My Heart's Joy

Creative Outlets

2010-01-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

Just got back from visiting my sister and I had SO much fun!! THanks sis!
She is a writer but also is very talented in art. She has been doing some journaling and
talked me in to joining her. We drew, oil pasteled, and painted such fun!!
It was a nice to visit and have that fun creative outlet and I must admit
I think I have a new addiction. ;)

Awaken

2010-01-11T06:58:00.001-08:00

"Awaken my conscience!" That's what I said
As I prayed in Dec. and fell face down on my bed.
With tears streaming down and a hope in my chest.
Wanting to find Your true rest
Tired of the way I had been till that day
Tired of the time I had wasted away
Striving and trying and wondering if there was more
All of a sudden You opened that door
As if scales on my eyes fell to the floor
I was hungry and drinking from Your Holy fountain
You showed me my heart and it was hard to see
You showed my sin and wickedness to flee
Before, I had dismissed them with lies fed to me
Thinking it was just stress or inconveniences that be
Now owning that flesh and learning to die
Wanting to shrink or just let it lie
Realizing the only way to find Your truth
Is completely die to me and let Your Life come through
A struggle, a wrestle as flesh tries to hold on
Not wanting to let go of all I have known
But then in my heart you Let me see
I must surrender if I will ever be free
Not trading glory for my glory instead letting You lead
Listening intently to all that it means
"Listen to Me" you beckon each day
"I am the one and only God that should lead"
I realize how many idols I've put into place
As I have to let go and let you re-place
Feeling rejected, misunderstood and lonely
At first I do face
A type of self pity another need to replace
But it opens the door to emptiness and grace
Then in comes Your Life that is more than I can fathom
In comes Your peace, direction and heaven
You are the Life I am here to pursue
You are the one who knows just what to do
You give the knowledge, you have it all
You are direction and Life it's not small
I have no answers the world offers a fall
Why have I been walking in my own strength so tall
Thinking I had knowledge enough to make me strong
Yet for You I truly long
Why do I strive when I have You?
Just You is enough
You are the Truth.
Oh Lord how I praise you and feel Your strong presence
You let me adore You and find pieces of heaven
You give me joy beyond measure as I learn and I grow
Realizing for the first time how low I must go
Thank you for never giving up on me
Thank you for a plan and what the process would be
As I learn to Listen to Your voice, to heed what you say
Let me never again feel Your dismay
To bask in Your love I am filled to overflowing
This is the Love that I was ignoring
Thank you for showing Your grace to me
Thank you for revealing the cross and giving me fellowship with Thee.

Time to post in a new year

2010-01-02T23:29:00.000-08:00

It has literally been a over a year since I posted so I thought I would start the year off right. Happy New Year 2010!!!

Home school Mom getting homeschooled

2008-08-08T15:39:00.001-07:00

I am in a season of re-education. God is showing me how He wants me at His feet listening and learning and not finding my security in the world's system for education. It is not an easy road but yet it is one that has been in the back of my head for several years.
I have been re-reading some books by Marilyn Howshall and this time I was really ready to hear. The biggest thing I gleaned through her writings as well as my time with the Lord is that I must learn to listen and follow Him whether anyone else agrees or not. He does not ask me to do what I shouldn't or what would be detrimental for my kids. In fact, He actually knows what is Best.
It sounds so silly but it is so profound if I can embrace it. I asked Him to show me my schedule for the year and He refused. I asked and begged for it but He shared with me that it would become my god. That I would be frustrated and stressed if I didn't reach that schedule and I would feel failure. I would miss the point of listening and trusting Him daily and in turn teaching my kids to do the same.
Wow. This is such a trusting process. Now He has allowed me to get some ideas for routines but being sure that I understand the routine may change anytime He deems it and some interuptions will be His leading.
Dying to self is not easy, but necessary and in the end....freedom.

Rebellion/Re-education

2008-07-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

Well, this past week I had some interactions with family and I can't believe how quickly I can be like a 2 year old. I do NOT, as a full fledged adult, want to be TOLD what to do! I would rather resist than lovingly embrace a bossy instruction.

I am wrestling with letting go of my rights but also not letting others get away with their selfishness. However, if I was not being selfish myself, their selfishness probably wouldn't bother me so much! L

The Lord has been dealing with me on my little tudes and how they also affect my family and get planted in them as well. My kids are watching and learning and ick, this is not the way I want them to be.

I have been re-reading some of my articles from Marilyn Howshall. Can I just say that I am truly hit to the heart.

I realize that I act in the flesh way to much including my parenting.

She does such a good job of sweetly saying things that just hit hard...in a good way.

I hate that I react in my flesh with my kids and I don't like knowing that it is producing the same in them when I do that.

However, I am excited and encouraged to enter into a phase of God squeezing and working in my life to flush out that big fleshy side. He is so gracious to be patient and continue to teach me!

Eyes open for the pictures!

2008-07-04T16:18:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a friend that can't keep her eyes open for a picture to save her life?

I do. :)

Here I am with said friend...R.

We'll just call her squinty for short.

Her hubby has the same problem.

God bless em.

Notice the one where she is trying hard to keep them open in the scary eye picture. LOL, she is so much fun and always has me laughing. If you have friends with the shut eye problem give us some ideas for a fix.

Happy 4th! Injury

2008-07-04T12:10:00.001-07:00

We enjoyed a great week with my sister and her kiddos only I didn't get ANY pics to show of it! That is awful. However, we had fun reading at library, eating out bagels at Panera, swimming, creating at home...journals, talking, playing etc! We so loved having them but it went to fast.

Last night we had a wonderful time with our Marshall family and friends! Marme & Papaw, Susan & Kendyal and kids, Friends K,R & H, and us. :)

Funny story we'll remember: Okay so last night we eat burgers, hot dogs and such (many desserts) and begin to head to fireworks display.

Well.....it was a whole hour late and we had arrived 30mins. early. There was a storm brewing so it was lightning before and during the fireworks.

The kids were playing and goofing and we had some sparklers. One of the head of the sparklers fell off and landed on my toe. I felt a shart burning sensation, screamed and jumped and sure enough there was literally fire on the ground! My toe and flip flop were scorched a bit. However, Marme had some ice so I was able to put it on quickly. Injury from sparkler....who'd a thought? L

It is fine though.

THEN, we were chanting for fireworks and just about to give up with off they went. We all cheered so loud! They were GORGEOUS!!!

Drip

Cheers for more beautiful fireworks

Drip

Swoosh--Bottom fell out and we all RUN with stuff to the cars pretty much drenched.

It is one of those times we know we will talk about forever.

We promptly rushed 2 inches in the truck and slowly inched our way out of the area (3 miles) in 45minutes.

I think we will ask the neighbors how good the view was from our street and if it was good, we may make our memories here in our yard. Or just bring our table, drinks and tent for next year.

Well, here's hoping to a great 4th for you!!

heartsjoy

2008-06-28T01:09:00.001-07:00

Anniversary

2008-06-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

To my precious hubby of 16 years!

You are the one who loved me from the beginning
You can make me smile by just giving me a look
One of the things I love about our relationship is
Our enjoyment of each other, great trust and lots of laughter
You make me laugh so hard my side hurts, I cry or have to make a run. :)
You have always encouraged me to be who I want to be
You do not hold me back from exploring things I love
You have always let me soar
You cherish friends I cherish
You encourage my time with them
and have always allowed my closeness with family to continue
You see my many faults and continue to love me through them all
You are not jealous or mean spirited
But rather a wonderful gentle strength
You have always been a leader to me and to our family
Whether we agreed or not you helped us move forward
I have always admired your ability to go where you felt led
Regardless of the results or what anyone said
You want to be where the Lord would lead
When we argue we both want to resolve
You I am angry you know how to soften with with a smile
You've done acts of service from the beginning
At first it was not so appreciated by me
but as the years progress Your gifts of love I see
When we shared our first birth I saw you look at me with such love
Your eyes watered as we rejoiced in our first child
and in the labor you were by precious rock
you told me what a good job I'd done
Then when blessed with our second child
You told me at first sight how beautiful she was
You have been a hands on Dad from the beginning
We work as a team and God has given us so many dreams
I have enjoyed our walk together
Through the highs and through the lows
We are comitted to each other and we both know
I knew from our first date that you were a galiant knight
And God has blessed me with the one that was right
We have so much to look forward to in years to come
And I look forward to sharing it with my chosen one.
I love you so much and am happy to say "Happy 16th Anniversary!"

Last night of VBS

2008-06-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it was our last night of VBS! It was fun but I was glad to see the end. It is amazing how just having something every night can affect your week.

My kids are both spending the night with a family tomorrow night. This is a HUGE step for me. I am so not okay with this usually but God has been growing me in trust in Him and they seem pretty excited. It is actually our anniversary tomorrow. I can't believe it has been 16 years!

Well, it is late so that is all for now.

Inappropriate Laughter!

2008-06-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

you feel it creeping up inside

it is the wrong time

totally inappropriate

can't help it, feel the tickle
lips curling, gonna loose it

yep, I've done it. My son knows I have this tendency and just the other day he tripped and almost fell.

Watching his long legs and arm flailing through the air did it for me. He quickly turned and looked right at me. He had seen the squint in my eyes, the creasing in my lips and he knew...
Then it came, that big loud laughter. I apologized as I did it.
I'm...so....sorry....know..it's.. not funny.

It was contagious, he couldn't keep frowning at me as I belly laughed his misfortune.
Pretty soon we were both bellowing and I was so glad he was understanding of my inappropriate laughter.

Other times it has not been so easy.
You know you shouldn't but can't contain it.

My friends and I were at the hotel and needed help connecting a dvd.
The guy that came kept talking to himself. I mean it wasn't a whisper, he was having some full on conversations with himself.

I finally started to quickly shake. My friends saw me and were trying not to get tickled and mouthed at me to STOP.

I tried, I really did. They wouldn't look at me but could feel me shaking with laughter and again it was contagious. Bad bad

My husband, who was a full time vocational minister for many years also knew my short coming.
One time in service, I was close to the back and he was sitting at the Lord's supper table. I couldn't see him very well and another man was talking. My husband slowly etched his head over to the side to see me.

All I could see was his little pin head moving to see me through all the little other heads.
It totally cracked me up.
A time when I should have been fully reflecting and meditating and I almost snorted.

I shut my eyes so quickly as to think that if I could sqeeze them tight enough, my lips would continue to stay sealed.

You know you can relate! I am sure (in an insecure, hopeful way) that I am not the only inappropriate laugher.
Can anything be done?! :)

Back from a long break from blogging

2008-06-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

Well, my kids had a very busy year at their school. They learned so much and I probably learned more. It was a lot of driving back and forth on those days and we are looking to homeschool again in the fall. WHOO HOOO!!

I really enjoyed my job working with children in the church but I was able to let that go as well and come back to the homefront and can I say WHOO HOO!! I LOVE LOVE being back home with my family. I can actually think again about meal prep,cleaning out home etc. I can plan. It has been heaven. Not to mention that I just spent the last month and a half after quitting getting to go to 3 family graduations, help with wedding preparations (so fun, my brother and fiance), celebrate b-days, get to spend time taking care of Memaw, getting with family, getting to visit sister!! (sooo nice, we used to get to do it all the time but have so missed that time with her!)

So, now I am back home and a little more settled but it has just been so wonderful to have the freedom to do all of those things. Tonight was the start of VBS for our church that I was children's leader for. I hadn't seen so many of the people since I had left. I cannot tell you the great pleasure when I walked out and the kids all began running to me for hugs and say "Miss C! Miss C!! It was priceless!!

I was just suppose to be helping out with registration but it turned out to be very confusing, not ready and you know, how the first night usually goes but worse. I felt ownership because I had picked this VBS but I was no longer in charge of it. However, each time you go through stuff you learn for the next year and that is what our director did. The decor. was amazing and once we finally got everyone where they needed to go it was wonderful. I felt like people were genuinely happy to see me and seemed to have really missed me. That is always a good feeling.

Oh! I also got to have a sleepover at a hotel with 3 of my other close friends. We have been planning it for 5 years. lol Actually, that is when we first started talking about it but you know, time, business and all. It was HEAVENLY!! Getting away and talking for hours on end, sharing our hearts and also just being goofy. We got to eat out, plan school, talk about sooo much with everyone, paint, soak in hot tub! Glorious! I got a full 24 hours off. Not to mention that my dear hubby was at home on Sat. with the kids cleaning out the garage. It just doesn't get better than that! :)

After I got home another friend called and was free and wanted me to go with her. I hadn't had much sleep but my hubby thought I should go since I hadn't seen her in a while. Is that not the sweetest? After I just got back and he was encouraging me to go again? He and the kids were into the star wars trilogy so I was good to go.

It was so fun catching up with her as well.

I tell ya, I definitely have some sweet friends on here that live in Texas that I would love to meet and catch up with some day And some in Ks!

Hope you guys have a refreshing week as I had over the weekend. I can't believe how much that encouraged and energized me!

Kid's Best Day!

2007-10-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

I got so tickled the other day when the I picked the kids up from school and asked how it went that day. They both jumped in with excitement and told me it was the Best Day Ever!! I couldn't wait to hear why and here is what they said.

both - We got to play at recess together!!
sister - "Mom! I saw Noah across the grass and I just ran to him and hugged and hugged him real tight! He tried to run away when I started running after him but then I got him and hugged and hugged him."
brother - "Yea, and THEN we got to play with each other until I had to go! We don't usually get to see each other when we are at school Mom so when I saw her I thought...is that really her? It was, and it was so cool. I think we may get to do that more now days!

Okay, what Mother wouldn't blubber a bit at this? ;)

Happy birthday Little Girl!

2007-10-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

My precious little girl has her birthday this month and I can't believe how time is flying. She is so full of energy and always willing to be a helper. She has a joy and fun sense of humor that all enjoy. She has the best cuddles and hugs. She loves to play pretend and she has so many journals filled with all kinds of terrific drawings. I love you my little girl! I love to hear you laugh, sing, tell me a story. I enjoy watching you pretend to be a baby or take care of the babies you have. I love looking at your sweet cheeks and bright eyes as you give expressions. God is molding you to follow Him and be faithful to His plans. You are eager to follow and are self-disciplined in what you set out to do. You have a way of knowing what to do without even being told and you have a sweet servants heart. You have blessed our lives and I am sooo glad God gave you to us! Happy Birthday!

1st Day of School away from home

2007-08-28T21:20:00.001-07:00

Today was their first day to head away from home to school. They woke with great enthusiasm and couldn't wait to get there. We were up in time to see Daddy and he had a great breakfast waiting for us. We had done a dry run to the school the day before to check out the back way and the traffic. It helped Mommy release sad feelings a day early. As we approached school they both told me they felt a bit tingly. I encouraged them that you usually feel a little nervous when starting something new. We parked, took pictures and then headed down the hill to the school lobby. I dropped son off first and he went right in and then he got a seat right next to another boy. I met the teacher and visited with her shortly, trying not to loose it when she was being so nice. Sweet son was off and going and gave me a quick goodbye. The night before he had asked me "Mooomm, you're not going to cry are you?" We teased and laughed about that. Anyway, I promised I would try to hold it until I left him....maybe he was helping me with the quick bye.

Then, I waited with dear daughter for her teacher to come get her. We followed to her class and saw them get seated...her teacher thanked parents for coming and said bye to us. DD looked like she was ready to go and still excited.

I had to go to a new mom's meeting and hoped I could make it without crying. Amazingly, I did. After that I headed to the see hubby and then the hospital to see my grandmother, who had taken a fall just this morning and broken her hip. (please keep her in your prayers, she will have to have surgery and it is just a long process of recovery she is facing...we love her so much)

When I went to pick them up they were so excited! We called Daddy so we could all hear at the same time about the day. Dd said "That was so fun I want to go back tomorrow!!" Ss said "He really liked it and already made 3 guy friends." They told me many stories such as how fun and nice their teachers were, how they neither liked outdoor play because of the heat today, Ss-confronted a girl that was catty by asking her to read a sticker which read "do unto others as you would have them do to you", (I about lost it laughing on that one), dd - said she really liked Art and ss liked math.

When we made it home they looked with me into their folders and wanted to start on homework right away. I was so impressed with their excitement and dedication to get it all done. Whew, we made it and now they are tucked safe in their beds. Thank you Lord for a sweet day.

School

2007-07-18T21:08:00.001-07:00

I feel that God is working to grow me in many ways. My hubby approached me with wanting us to consider a new school. It is a school that does 2 days school and 3 days homeschool. It is a university model and a classical approach. I like all that I have read and I am enticed by the fact that lesson plans would be done for me for the most part. However, it is still so different from what we have done. I hate giving up time with my kids but with my part-time job I have given up some of that time anyway. I wish I didn't have to but I have to trust that God can lead my kids and me and that possibly it is for growth for us all.

Anyway, they have rules as far as who you are and your family being involved. They ask that only one parent work full time and the other only up to part time due to the homeschooling involved. They had us fill out a detailed application including our testimony. Then they gave us a family interview and tested the kids. The testing part about gave me a hernia. Why is it that we feel so exposed and vulnerable when someone else is evaluating our work our most precious children. I stressed needlessly because the kids did good. But regardless God showed me that He is the one I should be seeking as to whether I am doing what I need to, not the system. However, it was refreshing that they did well.

My kids both seem pretty excited especially my eldest. It is neat watching them relate to others and I am already praying for sweet God seeking friends.

Friends

2007-07-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

We had some dear friends from our short time in south Texas come to visit us on Monday evening and it was a lot of fun to see them and visit as though we had never left. I love those times, just picking up where you've left off and enjoying the fellowship all over again.

Tonight my kids both have a friend staying over with them. It is a brother and sister similar ages to Noah and Faith. They have been wonderful. Faith has never done a sleep over other than with cousins. The boys have played ninentendo and pretend and the girls have played with pet shop and are now watching a movie. I have issues with letting my kids go to spend the night but watching them tonight with these sweet kids (at our house) has been a delight. I love listening to them play and talk. Interesting to hear what they come up with as far as stories and relating to each other.

Sweet friends!

New Job/ Chicken Pox

2007-05-31T18:50:00.000-07:00

My job is turning out to be a joy. It is taking a little adjusting to a new position and learning curve but so far I really enjoy it. Fun to feel all professional.

My kids both were vaccinated for chicken pox but just two days ago I noticed spots. Yep, they got em. Poor kids, have to be locked here at home for a while. They are great sports though and we are trying to have fun in spite of it. It is a mild case and they seem to feel okay except for some itching. We keep em on itch free med.'s Anyway, pray that they heal quickly. Thanks.

My Boy's Birthday this month

2007-05-31T18:15:00.000-07:00

I can't even believe my baby boy is in double digits!! We did some things different this year. Instead of a big friend party we did a family party and then just invited a couple of his friends to go to fun stuff one evening. He had a great time. He was elated with his gifts from friends and family and just seemed more grown up. I love that I can still pull him close and smooch those precious cheeks. His humor is keeping me laughing so much, reminds me of his fun Dad. ;)

My sweet son, you are such a joy and delight to us. We can't believe you are so much older and we celebrate each year we have with you. God has given you a wonderful heart of gold that wants to share God with others, as well as a mind of questions to seek out truth. You are a true treasure and we adore and love you!

Carrabba's goodbye

2007-04-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

I didn't expect anything on my last night. I had seen many go before me and nothing was done. They suprised me at the end of the night with singing, cards, big cookies and flowers. It was really sweet and made me tear up. They also insisted that we do one more night at Denny's, it was a great goodbye....can't say I will miss the job but I will miss the people.

Director of Children's Ministry

2007-04-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

I was stopped a while back while walking with my kids and a neighbor asked about hubby and I and our present jobs. She encouraged us to apply for the children's ministry position at her church even though the job opportunity wasn't official yet. She later came to our home to give us the chairman's number. She came by another day to get our number. We have been praying about our situation and what to do. I wondered if this was an answer.

To make a long story short, the chairman called to remind me about the date for resume's to be in and so I sent one. They chose me to come back for an interview...I was pretty nervous. I am used to going to these with my hubby not for me. It went pretty good and they wanted to bring me before the church if I was willing. I was.

The night they presented me they escorted our family out and it seemed like an eternity before they came back. Hubby and I both were thinking separately (while visiting with the lady who took us out) that I hadn't got the job. However, I did!! :) They just were discussing something else that had nothing to do with me. :) I am really excited! They gave us financially what we had decided we wanted. God really blessed!! I was able to quit Carrabba's and have started my new job. I have an office! cool! It is part time so it is also very flexible and so far I am very excited. Please pray for us in this ministry and church.

Praxis 2 School and Guidance counseling

2007-04-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it! I took this in March and I actually passed it! PTL!

Happy Birthday to my little Butterfly!

2007-03-09T14:50:00.000-08:00

I love your name because I feel it represents you
When you were young you found yourself struggling on
Trying to cope with things that were so huge
You were a little catipillar crawling through life
Trying to find the answers
As you grew you went into a cocoon
Struggling through darkness and feeling alone
But alone you were not though you didn't know
A Savior loved you a lot
You've had questions and sought answers
You've felt anger and fear
You have so much love to give
And to us you're so dear!
Now my heart jumps with joy
as I see you breaking through
Understanding through struggle and sorrow
You can grow and He will lead
Your eyes begin to see the light
And even though you don't know it yet
You truly are a beautiful butterfly
You will fly and you will soar
I love you beautiful butterfly
A dear friend you are!

Happy Birthday!

First Basketball Game

2007-01-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Our kids Love Upward basketball!! This past week was their first game of the season and they did great! Brother did awesome in defense and dribbling and even taking a shot that hit the rim. It was our Princess very first basketball game!! She did great listening to the coach, blocking, dribbling, and getting open for the ball!! She made a BASKET and scored points for the team!! It was a blast to watch and Meme and Poppa were there taking these lovely pics and video. I will try to get more out later of the game but these are pics of princess first B-ball game!

Brackets

2007-01-17T07:33:00.000-08:00

This has been a year of teeth work. My little kiddos started out with expanders in the fall around October. Then they let us know Noah would need some brackets for this phase as well.
So, Monday we went in and in about 30 minutes he came out with his brackets. He is excited aobut them and the opportunity to change out colors each time he goes. :) My wittle kids are growing up! whaa.

May I have the pleasure of brushing your Hair?

2007-01-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

This story touched me years ago when I heard her tell it. It touched me again today when My Dad sent it to me.

BETH MOORE AT THE AIRPORT
For those of you who don't know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters. This is one of her experiences: April 20, 2005.
At the Airport in Knoxville waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego.

I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones. The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man. I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport...an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat, trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him. Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man.

I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen. And it may be embarrassing. I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. "Oh, no, God, please, no." I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, "Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!" There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, "Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane."

Then I heard it... "I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair." The words were so clear, my heart leapt into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair? No-brainer. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, "God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm you're girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man."

Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. "That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair." I looked up at God and quipped, "I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?" God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: "I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works." (2 Timothy 3:17)

I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, "Sir, May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?" He looked back at me and said, "What did you say?" "May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?" To which he responded in volume ten, "Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that." At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, "SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?" At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Longlocks.

Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, "If you really want to." Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, "Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush." "I have one in my bag," he responded. I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands, remembering to take my time not to pull. A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while. The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's.

His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's. I slipped the brush back in the bag, went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knees, and said, "Sir, do you know my Jesus?" He said, "Yes, I do." Well, that figures, I thought. He explained, "I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior." He said, "You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be for my bride." Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it. Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft. I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, "That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?" I said, "Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!" And we got to share.

I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted because you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on, but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!

I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way...all because I didn't want people to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.
John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting, "Wow! What a ride! Thank You, Lord!"

Happy Birthday Brother/Joyful journey! Friends visit

2006-11-28T09:56:00.000-08:00

I am belated by accident having planned my words but not publishing them at the right time.

My precious brother was born years later almost on my(and sister) birthday. He has been the one we loved on, smooched on, ruled over, talked with, laughed with and just enjoyed. He can tell stories that have me laughing so hard I cry. He is a strong leader and I have always wished I had his ability to lead and not look back yet he also has a very compassionate heart! As we get older I see more of his sweetness as he dotes on the nieces and nephews and is easy going like my Dad. One of my funny childhood memories are when my brother would spy on me and my date, or come in to get attention with a paper sack on his head and sit between me and friends or when he would ask for ice cream money only to later discover his stash of money in the drawer. He has always been a smart and funny little guy! Happy Birthday Brother! I love you!

My sweet friend Joyful journey has been in my life for many years. We have many memories that we share. She is one that is always interested in what others have to say and she had great input to give. She is loveable, easy going, and just down right sweet! One of my fondest memories with she and her hubby are when they went with us on a youth trip. It was an adventure with many interesting youth issues and singing and driving (wrecking) etc. I also loved our early morning walks and talks and sharing a duplex! I have always enjoyed and will always enjoy her friendship and am so happy we have re-connected in blog world! I look forward to a screamy reunion in person some day in the near future. Happy birthday my sweet friend!

I also forgot to mention that last week the day before my b-day a dear friend that shared the birth of my kids with me came to visit with her family. It was just like home week. I ran to hug her and we were screaming with joy over seeing each other! The kids looked at us like we were crazy. We haven't seen each other in 3 years but it feels like yesterday. I'm sure for kids it is hard to understand our special bond since we are not around each other right now but it is just like picking up where you take off. It really felt like fresh water renourishing you. What a treat!

Again, just sooo thankful for the priceless blessing in my life!

Thankful

2006-11-27T07:45:00.000-08:00

I hope that you all had a good thanksgiving! We had a wonderful time at my husband's family. We drove up on Thanksgiving morning and helped with food, visited family, watched the kids play, play games etc. It was a lovely day. That evening we hit the beds pretty early because we were all tired and getting ready for morning shopping on Friday. My sister in law and I met in the hall at 4:15am...yes, you read it right. It is always so exciting to get up and do that. She had her eyes on a t.v. only so we took separate cars. I chatted with my sister and mom throughout the morning of shopping and that was fun and felt like we were still together in the process.

Hubby was given a ticket to the game and he was thrilled! So he and much of the family headed out. My sister in law and I stayed behind with kids. The kids explored the woods, played on hay in the barn, shot bb guns and the boys got to go hunting early in the morning with the men. Hubby and son saw a doe but didn't shoot. They had fun watching her.

Anyway, after the group left for the game and the kids headed to barn with walkie talkie, we got to visit with Memaw R. After she left my sister-n-law layed down for a nap with her girls. I wrapped the presents I had bought. When she got up we watched the end of the game and got to visit! It was great!

HUBBY GOT ON TV!! He landed himself right behind the reporter...we were shrilling with delight...the kids saw it too and it was so funny and fun!

We then fixed enchilada's for dinner and the crew all came home and we ate and relaxed together! Sat. morning we got up leisurely then headed home. Once home we decorated our tree and it is SO pretty!! I love looking at it. We put up decor in the house and then the kids decorated gingerbread houses! They did such a great job!!

Anyway, I am so thankful, for all this family time, for family period, for friends and blogworld! ;)

Yesterday we got together with friends for prayer time in the evening and it was sooooo refreshing!! I hope your holidays were good! Please fill me in!

Nov.21 Birthday Rap

2006-11-20T22:04:00.000-08:00

Itttt's Our Birthday and we cannot lie
It didn't even take us by suprise
We're looking forward to a nice big break
We might even eat some yummy cake
Many years that it did begin
Being born with a great big grin
Being first has always been the best
Kicked me out so she could be the last
Sharing presents all throughout our life
Color coated so there is no strife
God's great blessing when life began
A forever perfect special friend

It's my birthday
It's her birthday
It's our birthday
BIRTHDAY!!

Sistor, You are the most special person God could have blessed me with to share so much of life! I love you and hope you have a tremendously wonderful day!! See a previous tribute to my sistor!! http://heartsjoy.blogspot.com/2006/03/sister-hood.html

Ever have one of those days?

2006-11-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am writing what seems to be my monthly post. L We had a good weekend dressing up and having some yummy candy. I even dressed up at work as a puppy and you would have thought I actually turned into one. Let me tell you , it is a Very good idea to dress as an endearing animal because everyone just went on and on with the cuteness factor. I wish I could dress up every day! L

Okay, so back to my title, have you ever just had one of those days where you are just irritable and emotional and no reason why? Yes, I was having one of those yesterday. I was overwhelmed by the home, what I need to do and relating to my precious kids. (and no, not that time either....wish I could say it was.)

So, I was thinking why am I being so much this way? My life is good, I have had a fun weekend, nothing is really bad except for not keeping up. So, I did what any girl would do, I sent my kids on an outdoor hike with walkie talkies in hand and called to chat with my best girlfriend (my sister). It was just what the doctor ordered.

Can I just say that after I had some quiet time with them having fun and me doing some planning and strategizing with sister I felt 100% better. Oh yes, and after reading the e-mail that my parents are offering to keep my kids so I can get a date night with hubby....whoopie!!

So, I was just wondering if other Mommy's out there in blog land were having some of those days. Let me know what you do to snap out of it! ;)

Must Admit/Encouragement to you

2006-10-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

My blog has been my home page and I must admit that I was sick of the same ole pics, music and entry so I am sure the rest of you are! I finally did some changes, yipee! Wish I knew how to change the color without messing everything else up.We have had a lot going on the last few weeks. We got to take a trip to see hubby's family and grandparents and that was fun. This past weekend we had a birthday party for our little girl. I will try to put more info and maybe some pics on her birthday.

I have realized by being out more how little affirmation a stay at home Mom or homeschooled Mom gets. In fact, instead of affirmation we get criticism. I was thinking how funny or not funny that is because actually investing in our kids is SO important! When we work out of the home there is affirmation in the job or the adult interaction or status but when a woman wants to be at home so many times it is looked down upon. Even among women/moms at home there is the competition factor so many times instead of the encouragement factor.

So, for all of you stay at home ladies I want to encourage you! You are a doing a great thing! Even though you fail as we all do, (and as I believe God knew), we are learning so much through Him. You LOVE your kids, have put them first and sacrificed a lot for them! You feel disheveled, alone at times and unappreciated, however, you are investing in the future of your future generations! You are highly important and beautiful! God made you to lead in this venture because He knew he could work through you to make something beautiful! One of my favorite verses is Eccl. 3:11a "He makes all things beautiful in His time.." This journey is a process, not to be rushed but enjoyed and invested in. You have chosen to do that and you are adored and loved! Thank you for having conversations about imaginations and pottery, playdough, colors and bears. Thank you for learning how to organize the home and meet the needs of so many others. Thank you for the loads and loads of laundry that you eventually get to. Thank you for the food you make three times every day. Thank you for the loving heart that overwhelms you moments of the day and discourages you. Thank you that although you fail you persevere and move forward! Thank you for being that Mom that takes criticism and gets critiqued but doesn't stop. You are running the race and keeping your eyes fixed on Him when you look up! You are learning the most valuable lesson of all, ONLY by His grace can this be made complete! Thank you for the daily training, encouraging, listening, loving and work that you do! I can't help but believe as our Lord looks at and walks through with us in the investment, failure, struggles and victories that He is smiling down upon you! Well Done good and faithful servant! ;)

New horizons

2006-09-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share a bit about new situations and things I am seeing God at work in.

B - young girl with really no family support, opening up to me like a sister or mother for no reason, feeling God is allowing me to get to know her.
N - has fiance and baby on the way and so young, opened up to me out of the blue while I was doing what I hate (polishing silverware). I have to admit both big talks came while doing that.
L - gorgeous hispanic young lady with 9 month old boy....soooo sweet, asking me what day I am off, I think she wants to get together. I would love to get to know her more!
T - single businessman who went through a lot already seems like a brother to me.
F - husband and father working two jobs
E - husband and father working two jobs chats with me about son
I had asked God in the beginning why I had to do all that silverware and I think I am seeing a purpose now...if it weren't for that and my back chores I would be out ASAP but it holds me and creates these moments for relationship.

A - came strong to me at first but realized I backed off. Later asked me what religion was I? ...christian

Cooks, hostesses, servers, managers, bartenders - creating relationships with them and having moments of talk time and questions about my life and thoughts as well.

I also have been blessed with words and notes of affirmation, I must admit it feels good.

Concerns/challenges - I have had instances where I am being friendly and then somewhere it turns and I begin to feel uncomfortable with the direction(males). I would ask for prayer in discernment on being friendly but not where they are thinking anything. One example, I was even Asked for a hug and a kiss, I quickly piped..."I'm a married woman!" He replied, "I'm not asking for a date!" I just laughed and walked off. (Quickly YIKES!) You know it just makes men look desparate and gross when they take it to a level like that, knowing I'm madly in love with my hubby and kids. I know I am a little naive in this area and don't want to be.

Listening to the language is also a little hard because I hear a lot and I don't want to have it in my head. I know many people don't have issues with this but I do, it pulls me down.

Well, that's it for updates of praise and challenges as far as the out of the home work goes. I have plenty more where that came from! :) hee hee. Thank you so much for your prayers. I pray before I go to work for the situations and the people etc because I am scared. God is truly the strength and anything good that comes is obviously Him!

P.S. Last night I was off and had date night with my man! That was so great!!

Awwww!

2006-08-31T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have noticed since I started working part time out of the home that I cherish even more the time I am in the home with hubby and kids. I miss them. However, the job is going good and feeling like the Lord is really helping me get a flow with it and just with the whole schedule. Thank you for your prayers!

Anyway, I was with my kids today swimming. We were doing races across the pool, pony rides, spins, hand stands etc. I have done that the last few days with them because the pool is about to close. I have so enjoyed our time there as well as Bible and table time! They are such amazing blessings!

My mom commented on how my son is seeming older. I have been emotional about that lately anyway (well about everything really because it is probably that...well, ladies you know) and last night while driving I was listening to Dobson talk about boys having to distance themselves from their moms (teenage years). This is so hard for me to think about. I love my kids and can't stand the thought of ever being distant from them. However, I can see even in the last couple of years how that has happened a little but still lots of closeness. I get teared up anytime I think of it. Also, a man spoke a few weeks ago about missing hearing his kids call "Daddy" . My husband eyeballed me and chuckled cause he knew I was crying .Okay, am I making you cry yet? I haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet!

So, last night my daughter fell asleep and hubby was already in bed and my son said "Mom, can we just cuddle and talk?" (like I'm saying no to that request on my night off!). So, we cuddle up and he just begins asking questions and we have such great talk! He asks me what I think he would be good at....everything! He wants specific ideas. He then says to me (on a different thought), Mom, I am thinking that I ought to memorize the whole Bible so if I went to a country that didn't have one I could tell them about God. (tears coming and smile beaming...could it get any better?) We chatted about many things eye ball to eye ball and it was one of those very special moments. He asked me, "Mom, do you think you will always love me?" Yes honey!...I will forever love you!! (he beamed with wide smile) We talked about how boys go through different stages growing up. He later said "Mommy I hope we are always close!" WHHHHaaaaaa, bwaaaaa....mee tooo baby! Can I get that in writing? And he closed with "I love you mommy!" in his sweet 9 year old voice. I love you too sweetie!!!! Okay, I'm crying again...did I mention that I have been a tad bit emotional lately. L

My baby girl has also been so cuddly lately and I love it. She still likes to pretend to be a baby and she is really funny. The other day we were reading about Abraham and Sarah and when she died. They decided to act it out and it was so funny. I know that sounds weird but they were what made it funny. Her standing up and then flopping on the couch when I got to the dead part. She was just telling me the other day that she wanted to do more cooking and sewing in productive play time. Yesterday I decided to fix eggs and pancakes and she went to get started. It was so cute. I would just tell her what to do and she did great. I stepped out of the room for a minute and came back and she was almost in tears. I asked what was wrong and she pointed...cracked egg on floor...told her not to worry, it happens to all of us. She didn't want to do the stirring or stuff by the stove cause it scarred her that she would get burned. We finally got a stool to lift her higher and she felt more safe but I was there close helping. It was fun. She also has wanted me to sit and just hold her. I LOVE that! Lots of smooches to those little cheeks.

Well, I have much more to write about but need to stop. Thanks for letting me share my heart about my little treasures. Hope you are having a great week! Hold those you love a little closer!
BTW, you guys are amazing encouragers! I have been so encouraged by your sweet comments! You're the best!

Survived Server Boot Camp

2006-08-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Well last week was the beginning of my new job. I had to study like a lunatic and work like crazy. My days started around 6am studying then going in to work around 12 or 1 and ended around 11:30-midnight. Usually not having any breaks or eating in between while at work until the end of the night. I had some not so good trainers and then some that were out of this world. My kids were visiting cousins for the week so they were having fun and I didn't have to worry with their adjustment or well-being just yet. THANK YOU SISTER (Literature lover)!!!!

They told us before we took the test that only 1 in 100 passed it the first time. I was so nervous but knew I had done all I could to know it. I PASSED 1st time!!! :) Thank you so much for your prayers. It really got me through the week. In the middle of the week due to emotional and physical exhaustion I was about ready to throw in the towell but that night was one of my most fun. Last night was the first night on the floor on my own. It went really good! Again thanks for the prayer support!! I have my kids back Yea! and we had school and fun during the day and then my hours were much shorter for my real shift so all in all it felt so good to come together. I still covet your prayers for the coming weeks and months but thanks so much for all the encouragement!

New Job/New language

2006-08-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, long story short, I am starting a new job part time. I am going to be a server at a nice italian restuarant. I have gone through many emotions but am not almost looking forward to it now. I have to go through training and tests so I am not so looking forward to that part. Which brings me to my news, learning a new language. I have to memorize the menu and the ingredients in the menu items.....Ack. Can someone say not good memory due to hypothyroid..yes, but I have so many prayers going up on my behalf and you know what? I am almost done with the appetizers and I just got the book last night!! Yippe! Still have MUCH to go, however, I see that it can be done.

So, my question, why do words look so different than how they actually say them? I have to see the phonetic spelling to get it right but have to know how to say it. Like Bruschette....broo ske ta or Cozze .... Kot ze where did that t sound come from. Okay, I know you don't care but I'm just saying. While I am studying I might as well learn more than just the names. ;) Getting hungry yet? How about some Mozzerella Marinara or Bruschette of the day or Calamari? All right, I'll stop.

Shocking!

2006-08-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

I came by this by chance and was floored. It is a segment from the view where Elizabeth takes and strong and passionate stance about the morning after pill taking away life. She is quickly argued with but then sortof told she is out of control . The media labels this clip as "Elizabeth is loosing her mind". It is so amazing, they are trying to do damage control and don't want pro-life heard. I have not heard such a heartfelt stance for life in a while. I am not to shocked by Barbara bringing up the worst case senerio and putting it all on the line for that. E- tries to talk as if that were the only case...she is not advocating that only but saying from that argument. Thought you would be interested to note how shocking everyone makes her passion. Scary stuff. http://youtube.com/watch?v=1QI6QhyW_9g

Ready, Set, Don't go

2006-08-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I can be such home body. I used to love to go almost daily but finally began to really enjoy home and a more peaceful lifestyle. I still like to go but I find that me and a good budget means me staying home more . I am weak when it comes to my children asking for things. I don't even feel that they are really bad about this but I know what they like and what they would want and I want to give it to them. However, I have seen grown children who had that life and gratefulness was not their forte. So, sometimes it is just better to stay home away from spending temptation.

Yesterday I had great plans. We got all ready and I was planning in my head to take them to the library and for some ice cream and play at their favorite play place. Just as I was about to declare my thoughts they came in and just asked if we could all cuddle. I love it. They are not toddlers so it is nice that it still gets asked for. Usually this entails me snuggling kissing and stroking their arms or cheeks while they begin to chat with me. :) (just for the record so I don't sound like perfect listening mommy, there are also times they ask to cuddle where I am in the middle of something and say no or not right now, but it is never with guilt, why do we mom's carry such guilt all the time? now that would have been a good blog)

So, anyway, they ended up getting good reading material and us sitting together on the couch reading and learning. I figured I liked our library better and they were completely content. (never having heard my other plans.) I haven't been going much since surgery except to some family deals. I may make today the outing....or not. LOL

Another weird thing with me is calling people back. By this, I mean people I love and really Do want to talk to! I get so perfectionistic about it. I want it to be the best time when I don't need to be giving attention somewhere else and where I can have uninterupted time with them. Isn't that silly? In the meantime, I hurt peoples feelings or they think I have phone issues. Do I? Does anyone else feel like this?

I guess I get the love of home from my grandmother who said "Honey, sometimes I get sad just pulling out of the driveway." We both laughed but in a way I see what she means. I enjoy having people over to our home and entertaining but some how when you are at home you can visit so much better than a noisy food place. (always had issues with spelling rest...you know, food places L) BTW, I have realized quite a few spelling errors in my last posts and none of you even corrected me...you really are great friends! ;) Okay, can you tell I still didn't have much to blog about?

Good Recovery!

2006-07-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all who lifted up prayers on my behalf! My surgery went perfectly. I was able to have laproscoptic and go home three hours later. The doctor said I had a non-functioning gall bladder. It had a big stone blocking the canal and it did not have the normal fluids in it. It had a milky white substance around it and they are sending it to the lab.

My sister and hubby took me to the hospital and prayed with me before going in. My sis went to get the kids and take care of them after I was in surgery. My parents came but they had gotten me in so quickly that I didn't get to see them until after surgery but they were a welcome site. I rested there for a while and then felt good enough to head home.

My sister babied me completely and I had no cares in the world while healing. I don't know what I would have done during the day without her! She and my hubby took care of everything. I had wonderful friends who brought meals for the week so that was a welcome relief as well. My first day after surgery I felt really good and got up and around but over did it a little. The second day was a setback and I was in bed most of the day. However, since that day I have felt better and better with each day that comes. I am so excited because I am already starting to feel energy come back and that is a welcome feeling! I am so thankful to the Lord for His kindness and mercy! Thank you for your loving words and prayerful support!

Having Surgery

2006-07-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor last week to have some things I have been neglecting checked. I found out that I have hypothyroid so I will be taking meds that I am hoping will help me feel better and loose some weight. :) I also have had gall attacks over the years and wanted to get it checked. They had me come in on Thurs for a radioactive test.

I went in for the test but the first time through the gall didn't show up...they gave me morphine to send it back up again. It still didn't show. The doctor said it was an abnormal scan. He said "Usually what that means is you will be going to surgery today." My eyes were like saucers worried. He then went on saying, "However, since you are not in pain right now we can wait until you see the surgeon" So, they scheduled my surgery for Monday. I go in at 10:30 am and the surgery is at 12:00. It is suppose to be the laparoscopic (sp?) kind which would have faster recovery and I should go home the same day. There is only a 5% chance of having to have the cut you open kind....hoping I am not the 5%.

My parents and hubby are taking the day off and my sister is coming over. Sis has graciously decided to come stay with me to help me and the kids! I would really appreciate your prayers. I know this is a pretty routine surgery but it is not routine for me! :0 I am not real good with these things but I know I am at a bigger risk if I don't have it done. The doc. also said if I have any pain or fever I have to go to ER to have it done immediately. YIKES! So, that is what is going on here. Thankfully our insurance went through really quick. Again, I would appreciate your prayers!!

The one thing I am looking forward to is having energy again. I have heard from people with hypothyroid as well as gall bladder romoval and both have said about both things that after they got on meds or had it taken out they felt so much better!! I am really looking forward to having energy again! Tired of being tired. L

Love Em!!!

2006-07-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

Today has just been one of the days where I realize once again how much I love my family!!! It has been a time of working on notebooks together and reading and cuddling. (If you get queezy with the mushy you may not want to read. :)

My dear son is so thought provoking and seeks so many wonderful answers. He is a strong leader yet very sensitive and kind. The other day when I felt bad he told me to lay back and rest and covered me up and gave me what I needed. It was so sweeet and was just what I wanted. I love seeing his tender heart in moments like that. I love talking with him, snuggling and listening to his ideas. I know God has terrific plans for Him now and in the future. I look forward to watching their relationship grow. He has a heart to tell others of God's love and he really cares about others knowing the loving God he already knows.

My precious daughter is a server and a giver. She has acts of service down and can see things how they need to be done. She also loves to give to others...money, cards, her stuff, gifts etc. She likes sports but is very feminine and girly. I love to sit and snuggle with her or play babies. She has such an imagination. Tonight she just showered me with kisses and it was soooo precious! (usually it is me showering her and brother with slobbery smooches) She loves God and doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't choose to follow Him. I look forward to seeing her relationship with the Lord grow and seeing what wonderful ways He will use her life.

I had a friend the other night at the pool watching them and said "They really are great friends aren't they." Yes, I hope they will always keep that special friendship bond. I love tucking them in at night with prayers, songs and some nights getting great chats.

My amazing husband, working so hard each day for our family. Coming home and working here too withOut cross words. He is loving with all his acts of kindness. His children adore him and he them. He makes us all laugh and brings more joy in the home. He is our leader and we all know it and respect his place. He inspires us with his leadership to be better. He is a lover of God and seeks to follow Him even when it doesn't make sense. He is Not a worrier, complainer or whiner. He is upbeat and looking forward in faith. I always look forward to seeing how God will continue to work in His life!

My sister, parents, brother, in-laws, dear friends...I could go on and on.

Yes, I know times change and things don't stay the same but I am so happy and humbled to be able to love and be loved by my precious family. Thank you sweetums!

Is Listening An Aquired Art?

2006-07-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

I have been in quite a few situations in the last month where I needed to be silent and listen. I enjoy listening while I also get to give my own input. However, I am talking about the kind where you SHUT the mouth and really pay attention only to what they are saying. Putting aside your goals, intents, to do list etc...

I have a dear family member whom I love who is lonely and needs to be listened too. At first, when I was hearing stories two and three times, I began to feel a sortof frustration and wanting to yeah yeah the story up. However, through many different avenues the Lord guided me to calm down and enjoy the ride. I mean, just listen. You know, even when stories are the same there is usually one thing different. Or, even if it is the same story you can still take joy in it thinking of that person in that time.

I was invited to lunch at a Crumpet Tea Room with my Mom and her buddies. I ended up going to the wrong one so I was pretty late getting there. They had all finished eating and my food was waiting on me so I started to eat. Right off the cuff they wanted my opinion on some marriage things. The conversation later turned into parents with grown children. They were talking about trying to help their kids but how that seems to make the kids mad. We ended up sharing some about how my Mom handled this. She'll admit that in the beginning she didn't handle it right. She suggested, encouraged, expected etc while I heard in my mind not good enough, criticism, failure. It goes along with a quote from a devotion she studied that really stayed with me. "Unsolicited advice is criticism". Whoa. Now, I know with young children it is a little different but we are talking adults. Anyhoo, chatting with those ladies and hearing my Mom say that the very Best lesson she finally learned was to "Keep your mouth Shut!" It kindof hit me that I need to be practicing this lesson now on insignificant things like the color of my kids shorts not matching or the way They fold the napkins. Some things are important but the most important thing is them knowing God's love through me!

Anyhow, back to case in point. Art of listening. Listening to friends, family, God. I believe it is an aquired art! As I heard it said to me "Love, Is, Something, That, Everyone, Needs = LISTEN.

Inadequate

2006-07-13T18:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt this way? It seems that this feeling of inadequacy peeps it ugly head quite often with me. I can feel happy and joyful about life but then it seems I realize once again how I fail or come short on so many levels.

My husband sent me an article by a man who was highly involved in marketing. He is out of marketing now and telling people the truth about the marketers and how they work...it is very eye opening. Their goal is to keep us feeling inadequate so we buy all their products to make us feel better.http://www.sixwise.com Lies. Deception. Sound like someone I have read about before. I realized that once again the father of lies wants me stuck in my inadequate mode because there it goes to self-focus and a downward spiral.

It is amazing to me how opposite God's message is....hope, peace, worth. I realize that I have been allowing myself to listen to many avenues that provide lies. I am feeling convicted but still allowing it to be in my life. Why?

I heard a pastor talking about how we are in good company if we do the things we don't want to do and don't do what we want to do. Paul. He was so passionate for the Lord. David. A man after God's own heart. And yet, obvious downfalls and sin in their lives. Did that stop their journey? No. How encouraging. We are a work in process.

I saw a passage that I have seen many times before, however, it had new meaning for me as far as our home and school wise.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is inspired by God and is
profitable for teaching,
for rebuking,
for correcting,
for training in righteousness,
so that the man of God may be COMPLETE,
Equipped for EVERY Good work.

Complete. Wow! That is where I need to be in Him, His words. I want that for me and my family, my kids.

What is the Purpose Again?/Routine schedule

2006-07-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

Do you ever do this? Wonder about the purpose of different things going on in life. I was asking myself why I do certain things certain ways. I mean, I LOVE paper plates that you can throw away instead of washing a dish just to make it dirty again. I do find joy though in having pretty dishes and a nice dinner and I don't want to support cutting down All the trees with my lack of desire for washing.

So, anyway, back to the point....purpose...what was the purpose of this blog...oh yea, I was thinking of this in relation to my kiddos and our agendas. I have been accused of being a fun mom which I love. However, I have begun to see kinks in that wonderful plan. You know, kids require more fun times, expectations are up, gratefulness is down etc etc... I want my kids to have a fun life and then thought why exactly? I mean, I guess it is because I want to have fun in life. I believe our heavenly father created us to have those fun moments and to find joy in the midst of life....however, I don't read where he says our life is about fun only. He talks of persecution and sacrifice....things I cringe at. Hmmm, not fun. However, in the martyrs I have read about, they have such peace and contentment in Him alone. There are stories I read that one would think they would chuck it and get out of that mission field but they stay. For what purpose. Their desire to be Holy not just Happy.

So, in light of that...realizing I may be sending my kids the wrong message with only fun times in mind. We will continue to have them but I want them to also understand sacrifice and perseverance, putting others first and discipline. I have always hated that word....discipline...maybe because I feel like a failure there. I don't want my kids concerned with failure but rather focusing on the goal. Not focused in a Me mentality but Him mentality. We all have ups and downs but you know what I mean? What is the purpose of all we do? Is it really for the higher purpose or are we only focused on Me and My stuff. Life is so fast and I don't like how fast it is going but now I realize more than ever that my purpose is to guide my treasures to be ready for battle, be ready for defeat, be ready to be focused, disciplined, self-sacrificing. True contentment, peace and joy will be found in Him.

Sometimes in homeschooling I have put our table work or reading/knowledge work before the heart work. When I do that things get out of wack. Usually when I do that it is representative of my own heart issues. So, striving forward. I love to read other peoples schedules so I will list some of our own routine for now. You will find not perfection here but what we strive for Enjoy.

Sortof Early Morning :)
*Breakfast
*Morning routine and daily chore
*Bike riding (for kids)

Mid Morning
*Table time - this focuses on whatever season the kids are working on. Usually always involves copywork of things I choose or they choose. They usually like to accompany copywork with artwork. Alternate days of math, Language arts/phonics, geography (however, as you know this is always going on anyway).
*Prayer/Bible - we move to living room, have globe/dictionary handy. We sit around coffee table, talk about what we want to pray for, look at past requests and see what has been answered then we all pick some to pray for and pray. When we begin the Bible reading,I read and answer questions while they draw whatever they want from the story. BTW, they are wiggly, moving and drawing etc. However, they listen very well even wiggly. I ask them to tell me about the story...youngest first....older always seem to get more.
*Free play

Lunch

Early Afternoon
*Reading
*Outside activities...for summer often swimming

Mid-Afternoon
*Productive Play - This is their special interest times or things I encourage them to do to see if there is any interest there. I let them help me in this to develop their special bents and gifts.
{Some examples:
**Son age 9 - movie making(illustrating, filming, editing), building(with wood, invention creation, legos), reading, playing learning board games, nature study.
**Daughter age 6- drawing, sewing, knitting, board games, puzzles, playdough, nature study.}
**Me - designing regency/modern dresses, sewing, songwriting, knitting, researching interests, writing about findings.

Supper

Evening Family activities and free time.

This is our routine that we try to live out. There will defininetly be God interuptions. However, I don't stress if something gets left out. We are striving to do this routine and always willing to tweak it when needed. :) I would love to hear your routines as well!

Happy 14th Anniversary!!

2006-06-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary to Us!! Wow! 14 years! I can't believe it!

Honey, thank you for all the wonderful moments of much laughter
You truly have a gift of making me laugh everyday!
Thank you for taking out the trash without being asked.
Thank you for looking me in the eye's and telling me you love me before you head out the door (because you know I am obsessive and need this in case something ever happened to you)
Thank you that you accept me for who I am, appreciating the good, looking past the bad
Thank you for being an amazing father who puts our family first, when you love on our kids it is as if you are just pouring that love on me too!
Thank you for mowing the grass, taking care of the lawn, house and us!
Thank you for being a loving provider! Who would do anything to make things work for us!
(even if you had to be a heart technition again....lol)
Thank you for being a compassionate, steady, strong, to the point, leader!
Thank you for loving God and following His leading even when you don't understand it and even when you might be ridiculed for it!
In the song I sang at our wedding it said "I have chosen the one to love, now I will love the one I've chosen!" Thank you for choosing me and making my choice of a mate a pleasure!
You are my dear heart and soul mate and I love you and cherish every moment I get with you!

Happy Anniversary sweet hubby!
(verse sent by sister)
Remember His wonderful deeds which He has done…..I Chronicles 16:12

Grace at 5:00

2006-06-26T08:18:00.000-07:00

We have been visiting some different churches lately. Got some really great insight revealed that I have to share! Yesterday the man who spoke talked of the story in the Bible where a man who owned vinyards went out and got day workers to help him harvest. This owner made an agreement on payment with the workers from the very beginning. He hired some at 6am, 9am, 12, 3pm and then, almost at the end of the day, he hired some at 5pm who he found had been waiting for work all day. As the day ended he instructed them to be paid last to first. What he pointed out next is what struck me.

The ones who were there at the beginning of the day got discontent....they wanted more than the ones who got there at the end. I could totally relate....I would probably be one of those irritated workers. Then he brought out that it was because of their wanting MORE. They had been fine all day. They were okay with working first and agreeing to the pay. They were okay with other workers being hired throughout the day and being paid something. However, when they were paid and thought they Deserved More is when the discontment happened. They were not treated unfairly and the vinyard owner pointed that out. He had in fact given grace by hiring them in the first place. He had just extended grace to the late workers. Whoa. That hit me. How many times have I begrudged someone a pleasure or grace because I felt it unfair. Really hit me and I took it home. Time to get more in tune with the grace I have already been given and be happy and content even when others get more.

Flowing moments/What did he just say to me!

2006-06-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

Our Father's day had interesting happenings. We had my husbands family in Sat. night and it was so good. We headed to church to sit with my Memaw since it would probably be a tough day. It was. However, the whole song service was on God's faithfulness....how loving and encouraging!

So, afterwards I said goodbye to all except my kids and we headed to the airport to pick up my parents from mission trip to Brazil. My husband was going to head to the resteraunt to save us seats. I got there all excited. No plane...delays...hmmm, what to do. I quickly feed the troops some junk food that they split (being the airport food is a rip-off!) . After I realize that we are going to be here a while I decide to take them outside. There is some hills of grass that they want to play on. As I sit in the car (in front of them) I watch as they run and play. I had let them take off shoes and socks so they were barefoot and looking like a movie moment. I watched as my daughter danced and twirled and ran. Brother chased after her. He then used a hand that pointed at sister, she acted like she was choking.....she brought out shield and sword and fought back he acted like he was choking.....ahhhhh, star wars moments.

We eventually headed back inside to explore and play. As we heard the plane had finally landed (almost 1 1/2 hour late), we headed over to the escalater to watch for Meme and Poppa. I caught eyes with a man and his wife. They said "Ohhh Hi!! How are you doing? What are you doing here?" Trying to think how I knew them, "Hiii, doing good, here to pick up my parents." Bit of confused look from them. Found out they were from our church we had been at here. We chatted as I shortly brought them up to date. THEN, the man says to me out of the blue, "So, now this means you'll be able to get out there and get a real job to...help make a living"

My thoughts...."WHAT? did he just say to me?!!!" From the bottom of my feet to my head feel the blood boiling, heart begins to pound really hard and almost anger sets in. I smile and say "I do have a job (point to kids), Two little jobs right over there that keep me pretty busy!" The wife possibly picking up that I might slug her hubby or wanting to slug him herself steps in and sweetly says "Sure you do, that is a big job."

I got to thinking:

1. It is not good to blab your judgment on others. (especially when you don't even really know them!)

2. What other job is More important that investing in the lives and future of my own kids?!! Nope, nothing else in my noggin!

3. Do I forgive him? Of course I do, I make many mistakes and word mishaps myself.

4. I will close with a couple of verses.

Deu 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

3Jo 1:4

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

Faithbooking!

2006-06-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

I have had some people ask me about faithbooking so I decided to write a post about it.
I went to a party one time for scrapbooking but it was called Faithbooking. I will try to describe it and then give an example. She chose pictures of times in her life where God did something with her Faith...to grow it...kindof like a picture book of her faith journey. The pictures may not even have always had her in them but it was something or someone who led her further. The story was so beautiful and brought us to tears. It is not as decorated as a scrapbook (however you could do that if you wanted to) and has more journaling beside pictures. One thing I loved is how she spoke about history was past down with writing and pictures. What an awesome thing to leave to our kids....our faith journey...or their own faith journey to look back on. It is just such a wonderful idea.

I am going to try to link a picture so you can see the pic and see my journal as an example. http://www.flickr.com/photos/10996764@N00/120578496/

The kids had been avidly praying for a dog. Dad had even kindof wanted one. Mom said NO. One day we were at soccer games until late in the afternoon. When we got home there had been a message left early that morning that a dog was chained to a handicap parking pole in our church parking lot. They wondered if my hubby could do something about it. He was a minister on staff. He told me he thought it had probably already been taken care of but he wanted to go see about the dog since it had been a really hot day. He took off. Shortly, he came home and opened up the back of the car. Out came the cutest dog (a lab beagle mix). My kids were estatic. They asked if we could keep it but Dad said we needed to see if we could find it's owner. The dog had been well cared for and was well trained. He slept on a bed we made him that night and didn't get up once. He was quiet, loved to snuggle and play with kids, didn't bark much, obeyed most all orders. After days of not finding the owner, the kids were saying "God gave us a dog!!" I had to admit that if I Had to have a dog this one met my standards of already being well trained and not loud and irritating. God met the whole family's desires and answered my kids prayers!

Back!!

2006-06-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

We are finally hooked up again and I'm so excited. It is amazing how you miss some of the connections while being off. However, we have been so busy with unpacking, job searching, family visiting that we have had little extra time. Thank you so much for your prayers during this time.

God's provision again! My hubby has found a job! Yeah!! It is not in ministry but rather management. It looks like it will be something he will enjoy and an income we can live on. It will definitely be an adjustment but we are excited about it. We have prayed and wrestled about full time vocational ministry but at this point we believe we are not to be full time. We love ministry and will continue to do it as it is our first calling. However, it will just look different than what we have done in the past. Thank you for continuing to pray for our future.

We are enjoying being back at home and close to family. It has rained for several days and we have LOVED it!! We came from desert so the refreshing rain and cooler weather feels terrific! We also love the rolling hills and greenery!! Nothing like home. :) I firmly believe that your prayers have helped us in this very chaotic and emotional time. I cannot thank you enough for all the loving support. I am anxious to get done unpacking so that I can have more time to read your blogs and catch up on your lives!

God's Provision!

2006-06-02T05:55:00.000-07:00

"God is faithful even when we are faithless" (part of a verse in the Bible that has ministered to me....at the moment can't remember the reference will have to fill in later)

I want to thank so many of you for your sweet encouraging words. Michelle, thank you for your blog and continued encouragement to us! My family and friends have done so much...they have given money, hosted us in their homes, helped us move, brought us food and certificates etc. I believe all of that is God's provisions.

Also, we had an amazing moment when we were getting down to nitty gritty and bills were rolling in, a man who had been at our last church somehow heard about us coming back and our situation. We really don't know how he knew because we hadn't told to many people in this area yet. However, God allowed him to know and impressed him to give to us. He wrote us a check for $5000.00!!! I cannot keep quiet about it because all of you are praying and I must give testimony to God providing!! WE are thrilled and thanking God! I had peace that God would provide, He has done it before but he also allows us to struggle at times for learning reasons. Needless to say, I was overjoyed when the money was revealed. Relief and less stress for this month. Thank you God!!

So, thank you for your continued prayer support. I am only briefly at a computer. We will not have internet until around Tues. I miss getting to chat. Hope you are all doing well! Thanks for your love. It has brought me to tears!

Thank you sweet friends!

2006-05-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

How can I thank you enough for your sweet kind words and love. It was very comforting to me and I cried as I read your sweet comments and heard sweet words of love and encouragement. I cannot share with you how much sweet friends like you are so important. God even allowed Michelle to call me right when I was breaking down and really wanted to talk to family but couldn't. Her sweet words had me bursting in tears and she was crying with me and encouraging me...Thank you for that Michelle. (this ones for the girls)

God sustained us as we headed home on a 16 hour trip. It was broken up. One of the hard parts was that a very violent stomach virus was spreading among the family who had been around Papaw the last few days. My Mom and Dad and Uncle Ken and cousin and my sister (literaturelover) were such troopers caring for everyone. They worked so hard and I was so wishing I was there to help. It was hard being away. When we finally got there I really couldn't be around them much because of the threat of sickness and our impending move. God so helped sis and me to sing for my Papaw's funeral and our husbands speak. They did an amazing job. Memaw was well enough to attend even though she was very weak. It was such a sweet service and a tribute to this precious man we love.

I am in the middle of finishing packing as well as having some time with a friend at the beach. (bttrfly1976). She has treated us to join her at the condo and it has been so nice to listen to the waves and know the vastness of God while also having such waves of peace and sadness. We are gearing up for more goodbyes this Sunday. Our church is having a going away reception for us. It is so sweet but hard too, goodbyes are never easy.

My husband's part in the speaking was about how every exit is an entrance. It is so true. Thank you again sweet friends for your kindness. Much love and hugs.

Sadness

2006-05-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

Today is a sad day for our family. One of our favorite people made his way from this life to our real home. It was our Papaw. We love him so much that it hurts and at the same time we are happy for him to have relief. He was so many things to us. He was a support, encouragement, laughter, loving, kind, loyal. I would love to give a royal tribute to him but it may come later. Today I am dealing with goodbye. And my encouragement is thinking of his face to face hello.

Incredible

2006-05-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

I have to share something so incredible with you.
My friend www.intothedepths-bttrfly1976.blogspot.com
did all the work to find this video and it was SO touching to me. I wrote a few blogs back about wanting prayers for new decisions. I just want to say thank you for your prayers. A new decision in our family has been made. I don't have time to write all about it but we are moving back to our previous home. We have peace about this decision and many factors in the reasons. We do not have things figured out for future but we are living on faith in our Father who is more than faithful. We would appreciate continued prayer support and I would love to encourage you by having you double click on the song above....beautiful message.

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

2006-05-08T08:48:00.000-07:00

Today is the birthday of one of my greatest Heros! He is the man who worked two jobs to make ends meet so that my Mom could stay home with us. He is the man whose family WAS His hobby and we knew it. He is the one who was always there filming pretty much anything we did and promoting us to others like a promotion manager would do. He is not about being in the lime light and is a very behind the stage personality. He is a major Server and serves the Lord with a joyful spirit!! He is always sporting a big grin and His face just naturally looks loving and caring. He is a man so many others respect. He is consiencious (sp?) and detailed with financing and overseeing the affairs of the home. He is wise. He is a follower of Christ, not just in words but in deeds. He shines the love of God to anyone he meets. He is friendly and a hugger. He is also a teaser! He loves to jump out and scare or to do pranks. He also receives this back with laughter and fun. He has helped laughter always be in our family. He has shown courage, faith, love, hope, and peace throughout His life!

Dad, there is no way to adequately describe you. I do want to say that I am forever grateful that on this day many years ago :) you were born and have blessed and enriched our lives forever!!

I love you!!

No Ease

2006-05-07T23:04:00.000-07:00

I have read some heart hard blogs as well as heard from people whose heart was heavy loaded. I too have had those times lately. It made me think about my life. So many good as well as painful moments. I want the good ones to last and for things to be ease for me, my family, friends. Even when I feel I am in a pocket of ease someone I love or care about may not be. I think I have hoped that there is that place where I will glide and be at peace not wrestling.

In ministry I have seen situations where people are totally obedient and yet things get hard and bad. Then there are others who seem to glide on to what we see as glory. I get distracted and off base by that. I want that. I'm realizing that is not my promise from Him. He doesn't want me distracted by the worlds view or even good people's view. He even tells me that I will have persecution. He promises He will be with me. He doesn't say life is about happy but rather joyful in Him. To accomplish the ultimate purpose.

Our time on earth is not about ease. I have had the priveledge of those short moments, but all in all it is about sacrifice, challenge, taking up the cross and following after regardless. This does not mean hopeless but how much more content and free would I be if I really expected trials instead of working to not have any. The real ease is life with HIM as well as our future home with Him in heaven. It makes me more hungry for Him and for my true home. It makes me realize that maybe that is the point, and Maybe the ultimate lie of the enemy is to get God's people striving for the wrong thing....ease.

Does Somebody Need a Hug? / Greetings!

2006-05-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my Mom and I were talking about greeting others. I had written a little article about it and was sharing with her. She then told me a story that was so cute. She talked about a lady in the office who refused to be ignored or not greeted. She would speak to everyone and if they didn't even acknowledge her she would say something to the effect of "Does Somebody Need a Hug!!" and get up and hug them.

I totally laughed at this because I, myself, am a big hugger. I know the feeling of giving someone a hug who might not want it. After a period of time, she trained others to know that if they didn't speak or greet, then she would help cheer them by giving them a hug. Many people who do not speak are task people so they are not necessarily wanting hugs either. Turns out, they were able to find it within to begin speaking to her. They also became more pleasent. Isn't it amazing what just one person can do to change attitudes or environment.

How to Greet Someone

1. Look at them and speak! Have you ever walked in a room and people look at you but no one said a word to you? It is a bad feeling. On the flip side. Have you ever walked into a room and were greeted with a warm hello? It feels like a fresh drink of water.
2. Raise eyebrows and smile. I remember being in a seminar with Gary Smalley and John Trent and they talked about honoring someone. They raised their eyebrows and opened their mouths with a gasp. We all laughed but you know what, who wouldn’t want that greeting. It is as if a great leader or movie star walked into the room and you can hear the gasping and excitement. THAT is how we should greet others! With enthusiasm and excitement!
3. Words of warmth and excitement. Suzie, I’m So happy to see you! Julie, I am so glad you could make it! John, great to see you here! Hi! Hey there! What’s up?!! Hello! Welcome! Do you notice what kind of punctuation is being used on all those welcomes? Exclamation marks!! That is how we should be with anyone we greet!
4. How hard is a greeting really? NOT HARD. I actually think it takes more effort NOT to smile or speak than it does to just do it. When you greet you share a warmth with others. It is like passing a fragrant flower rather than a mildewed dishtowel.

So Go for it! The next person you see…Greet!

Head Spinning!

2006-05-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had times when your head is spinning out of control?! My husband and I have a lot of decisions that we are in the midst of making. It is talking and talking and thinking and thinking and praying, praying...you get the point. I want to focus on other things but find myself consumed. I know that He wants me to "cast my cares upon Him" and "be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication let my request be made known to Him" and I am trying to do all that but still find it consuming me. I prefer to know everything that is suppose to happen RIGHT NOW!! That is not how it all works out though. I guess it is part of His plan to Grow me. But I don't have to enjoy it do I? Oh yea, rejoice in everything....hmmm. I do find though that when I do go to Him and get His peace I am able to rejoice in who He is but it is just getting to that point. I would really covet your prayers for our family and decisions being looked at and made at this time.

Top Five New Abbreviations!!

2006-05-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

Drum Roll Please!! Here are the Top Five New Abbreviations for this blog:

cs-curtesy laugh
lhcb-laughing hard, can't breath
br-bathroom run
dul-deliriously uncontrollable laughter
idhtttuga -I don't have time to think up goofy abbreviations

Thanks to all who participate and won in my goofy abbreviation contest!!! :)
(see previous blog for credit to winners!)

lol,rofl, What are your thoughts?

2006-04-30T23:43:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my friend the other night about the abreviations we see all the time. I told her I thought it was time for some new ones. So, here are my thoughts for laughter suggestions.

sl=snorty laughter
ll=little laugh
al=almost laugh
sh=stomach hurt
bl=blast laugher
ng=nutty grin

I know that I am Not the most creative person so would you guy help me out? Just think, we could start a whole new trend just by using our own abbreviations. I would love to see your ideas and then we will give it a drum roll and a top ten!!! You could be on a top ten list!!!
(can you tell I need some sleep?)

Remembering Amber and Aunt Helen

2006-04-29T21:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend last year was a sad one for us. My cousin's daughter, Amber, was killed by a drunk driver. She had graduated high school but had her life to look forward to. It has been a year of many tough moments and more to come. Grief doesn't just go after one moment...such a process. I have communicated with her Mom throughout this year and have been amazed at how God has brought her through such tough sorrow. I can't even come close to understanding fully. I am still praying for their family. The main comfort is knowing that she was a follower of Christ and can enjoy her wonderful Lord and Savior.

My Great Aunt Helen passed away last Sunday. She lived a long life. She was gracious and a complete lady. A teacher and had a passion to teach others. We will miss her but appreciate her legacy.

We never know the hour when our time will come to leave this earth. I am so glad there is hope and that hope is Christ Jesus!

Big Angry Eyes

2006-04-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today we were eating lunch and hubby hopped home to eat with us. He was stating that he did not think the rice was done enough. I disagreed. The kids chimmed in with him. I turned back to something I was doing while feeling a bit irritated (ie, "Be grateful for what you get already!"). My daughter saw me and exclaimed "Oh no, now Mommy's really mad at us, she has those big eyes that are angry!" I couldn't help it, it was So funny that I burst out laughing hysterically along with son and hubby. It evolved into much snorty laughter. Ohhh, why must they noticed so well when I am having a bad attitude. Well, at least the big angry eyes turned into squinty happy eyes.

My son on the other hand came to me a few minutes ago and said "Mommy, did you know that your my Mommy but also my sister?" (honey, I know we are originally from Arkansas but that doesn't mean...) I said, "Really?" He said, "Yes, you're my sister in Christ!" HOW CUTE!!! Whewl sure I am!!

More Info.

2006-04-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

I got tagged by my sweet friend visiongirl to do a more informational tag.

The 4 Things Meme

4 Jobs:
1) Counselor
2) Kelly, Hart, Hallman law firm Receptionist
3) J.B. Hunt telecommunications
4) McDonald's cashier

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
1) Pride and Prejudice
2) Anne of Green Gables
3) Narnia
4) Lord of the Rings

4 Websites I Visit Regularly:
1) blogs of friends or fellow women I enjoy
2) Ways to Market yourself/Stay at home opportunities
3) e-bay
4) news

4 Favorite Foods:
1) chips and salsa
2) cheese enchiladas, refried beans and rice
3) fettecini chicken and pasta
4) brownies (my favorites are so healthy! L)

4 Places I Would Rather Be Right Now: Really I am quite content being just where I am but if I had to choose another place...
1) at my sister's house with our kids playing and she and I talking and planning.
2) playing at the beach with my three sweeties, hubby and kids!
3) visiting my parents/grands
4) with a group of women I love in a bible study/share/prayer time

4 Books I Could Read Over and Over:
1) the Bible
2) Cindy Rushton's Homeschooling the Easy Way and Marilyn Howshall's Wisdom's Way of Learning, basically any homeschooling books that I like
3) home organization books....love to study this!
4) home decorating books....love to study this too!

4 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over: this is a tough one, I love so many and it changes from time to time.
1) Selah - Anything they sing
2) All I want for Christmas...such pep. tune
3) Natalie Grant - most of her stuff but love song "Held" and "Believe"
4) Josh Groben and Charlotte church "The Prayer"

4 Reasons Why I Keep a Blog:
1) Love having input/output from home at times I have available
2) Explore others thoughts and write more
3) I've only lived in area 6 months and have gotten to know some people deeply but still....feel lonely for true, Godly friends
4)journal happenings with my kids/family

4 Places I’ve Lived: (this could be a long one...will only list 4)
1) Columbia, SC
2) Athens, TN
3) Fort Worth, TX
4) Bella Vista AR

4 TV Shows I Love:
1) What not to wear
2) SuperNanny
3) Divine Design with Candice Olsen
4) American Idol (only I only have seen a few of these this season.)

4 Places I’ve Vacationed
1)Branson, MO
2)Pigeon Forge, SC
3)South Padre Island, TX
4)Camping in MO

Whew, if any lasted with me through all those answers consider yourself tagged!!:) It is fun to think about.

Questions!!

2006-04-20T20:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have always thought it might be fun to be a "Dear Abby" columnist or talk personality. So, wanna make my dreams reality? Sure ya do! L

Think of a good question, maybe one you have or someone else has had and submit it in my comments. If you don't want people to know it is you, feel free to submit anonymously.

These can be silly or serious questions (just not lude or inappropriate for this blog)

I think I'll make up a name for myself...you can give ideas on that as well! I've always loved the name Victoria, so for now, you can call me

Dear Tori!

Tag, I'm it!!

2006-04-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

TAG! I'm it! I've been tagged! :) I'm so excited! I enjoy a good blog-game. I've been tagged by www.prayingforaprodigal.blogspot.com. I must list six random things about myself, and then tag six more people. They have instructed me to "First post your six things, then you go to six other blogs and let them know they are tagged and to find the details on your blog." Not one that likes to disappoint, here goes!

1. I got to sing with a 300 person choir behind me backing me up....talk about cool backup.

2. I have an amazing twin sister who I LOVE....http://www.memoirsofaministerswife.blogspot.com aka Literature Lover. I also have a brother who I LOVE who is 6 years younger than us almost to the day...born the day after us.

3. I LOVE my new virtual friends and blogging!

4. I am a Major "Hugger".

5. I have a Masters in Marriage and Family Counseling and Religious Education.

6. I am Crazy about my hubby and kids!!

Since my link is still not working I am going to share the names but it won't link to them. Since I am only allowed six I will let you guys tag the others. :) I tag Literature Lover, Butterfly1976, JulieBohemian, JoyfulJourney, ThisOne'sForThe Girls, Sarah. Enjoy!

Hmm

2006-04-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

This morning my son asked me to look something up for him on the computer. I did. While I was doing it sister asked why I liked the computer so much. Then, brother said "If you had to pick between us and the computer which would you pick?" Okay, computer going off.

(btw, when I looked at him and asked, what do you think I would pick? at least he laughed and said "us". )

Stepping away slowly...slowly...

Modern Day Miracle!!

2006-04-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

I am so excited I don't even know how to begin this post! I have a friend (BTW - asked her permission to share this) who has struggled throughout her life with not feeling God cared or loved her. She is a christian but much of her belief system was in deep wounds from early childhood. We have stayed in touch for around 12 years. I have watched her struggle in this and tried to help but the struggle continued. Last night God did a work in her!

I have a background in counseling and I have gone to training on a prayer/counseling ministry called theo-phostic. I cannot begin to explain it in a sentence but I will try, it is really coming to grips with wounds in the past, realizing the lies the enemy has crippled them with (i.e. unworthy, trapped, unloved etc), then asking God to reveal His truth to them. Most people feel they will never be able to get past their past. However, God has other plans. His light shines and His truth sets them free. I never know how He will do it with each person but when He does reveal Himself it is amazing!

We talked and the conversation got more serious. She still questioned God's love and mercy, why He would allow such pain and then not be there for her.

I felt Him prompting me to encourage her to bring it to Him. She did. Silence. She felt so much fear, sadness, frustration, betrayal that He wouldn't respond. He led me to encourage her to wait on Him. She did. He brought to her mind a past painful memory. She was letting her pain out. God revealed where He was in that moment.

Picking her up and holding her, rocking her, with her, letting her rest on Him, wiping her tears.

She said to me "I can't believe He was there! He is holding me, all I ever wanted was for him to hold me." God knew exactly what she needed, I had no idea what she really needed....but He did. She didn't want to leave that moment. His presence was evident and the new picture in her mind was beauty for ashes.

I am not about emotionalism but I am of the mind that God still does miracles in our modern day and I am so happy to have been part of one!! My friend re-visited her earlier negative beliefs...they were gone. Her new fellowship with Him was so sweet. The truth He gave her in that memory had set her free! I think because I had been with her through some of these tough struggles it was extra sweet!

Thank you, Lord of all! for touching and healing my beloved friend!

Did I Judge her?

2006-04-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend we had various committments and fun gatherings. When I was at one of these gatherings a discussion came up about a relationship between one of the ladies daughter and a guy(not growing christian) that she was going to prom with. She was telling how she felt she should show love to him with the love of Christ. I was sitting next to a another lady who is very good to voice her opinion and stated her stance "Well, I could love the guy with the love of Christ but not allow him to date my daughter." I really agreed with that statement and although I said nothing the first lady seemed to want to justify all the more...as if trying to convince me she was right.

Later we left to go to another party.

Today I got a call from the lady with the daughter. She was wounded. After I had left the previous day, more discussion ensued about Easter Egg Hunts and those who agreed with it and those who did not. Other things had also been discussed like teenagers dress code and parents lack of following through.

Okay, enough of all the details. Anyway, I am on the phone with this lady who feels hurt and judged. I Listened. I empathized. I realized. She felt judged....and I think I had judged.

There are many times that I feel passionate about something and really want someone to see the truth and see my point of view...especially if I have more experience or if I just feel I'm right and they would benefit from my knowledge. L You know, mentorship.

I do think mentorship is invaluable and we all need to be humble enough to accept it including me. However, is there a difference between mentoring and judging.

My friend said something that hit me hard....she said "I mean, God did give me my children to raise so why do other people have to judge me for it!" I like that statement when it comes to my kids but not so much when it comes to kids whose parents don't seem to care if they are being considerate of other people or not! However, if I think negatively for them am I judging? Am I being honest? What?!

I felt in this instance that I had to admit I had judged. I have not walked in her shoes with her kids and she has kids that are older so I should respect her decision even if I don't agree with it.

So, it is a hard one to resolve. I mainly listened on the phone and encouraged. You know, we mothers already feel like failures in our job a LOT of the time and I think the enemy capitalizes on that. So, I am realizing that I really need to walk a far extra mile to ensure that I love and not judge.

I felt for her today, my friend, and I wished I had not judged.

The Tomb Is Empty! HE IS RISEN!!!!

2006-04-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

Mat 28:1 Now after the Sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first {day} of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to look at the grave.
Mat 28:2 And behold, a severe earthquake had occurred, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled away the stone and sat upon it.
Mat 28:3 And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow.
Mat 28:4 The guards shook for fear of him and became like dead men.
Mat 28:5 The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid; for I know that you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified.
Mat 28:6 "He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said. Come, see the place where He was lying.
Mat 28:7 "Go quickly and tell His disciples that He has risen from the dead; and behold, He is going ahead of you into Galilee, there you will see Him; behold, I have told you."
Mat 28:8 And they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy and ran to report it to His disciples.

I love it!! "...with fear and great joy and ran to report it..." Wanting to do the same!! Praise Him!!

The Day He Died

2006-04-14T22:34:00.000-07:00

Mat 27:45 Now from the sixth hour darkness fell upon all the land until the ninth hour.
Mat 27:46 About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" that is, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
Mat 27:47 And some of those who were standing there, when they heard it, {began} saying, "This man is calling for Elijah."
Mat 27:48 Immediately one of them ran, and taking a sponge, he filled it with sour wine and put it on a reed, and gave Him a drink.
Mat 27:49 But the rest {of them} said, "Let us see whether Elijah will come to save Him."
Mat 27:50 And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit.
Mat 27:51 And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split.

Friends

2006-04-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for the sweet comments and prayers. I feel God is really showing me that I need to trust him and let my offenses go...forgiving. Anyway, one thing I am completely thankful for in life is friends! I think God gave them as such encouragement! When we moved I really missed my friends and still do, but I am making new ones and as silly as this may sound...I love blogworld!!! and my friends here as well!!! :)

I was reading from another Mom whose son has left for a job far away. It made me cry but also was SOOO sweet you will have to check it out.(http://www.prayingforaprodigal.blogspot.com ) BTW, I try to link, you know where you hit the link button and then are able to put a word and link the address, but it isn't working. Is anyone else having this problem? Let me know if you have a solution!

Hope you are having a great day!

Hard Day

2006-04-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

Sunday we had the vote for the worship leader. It did not go well. The vote was split and the "no's" got it. We were floored. My husband was hurt. He is the pastor and it felt like a slap in the face to his direction. This has not been the case with other things but I think with music people get really touchy. Needless to say, I, as the fill in "volunteer worship leader" was Very disappointed. I thought if I could just make it until they came all would be fine. Now, I am debating giving my 2 weeks notice and letting them find someone else.

My sweet hubby did an amazing job relaying the message to the sweet couple but there is no good way to give that kind of news. They are young but were so gracious...it was tough. Please pray for my husband as he was hit hard by this and wrestling with other thoughts. Pray for me as I want to support him and not take up an offense (although at this point offense is taken). Sometimes in ministry and dealing with this sort of thing you want to just throw in the towell and go live like everyday people, getting to minister how you choose without people's expectations. However, I know spiritual warfare happens and that is more what this is about. I know we have the victory. Sorry this is a downer e-mail but thanks for your prayers.

Victory!

2006-04-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

I am loving this song! Especially right here at Easter time...whoo! Sing it Yolanda~

Spiral Staircase/Along Side Us

2006-04-06T12:05:00.000-07:00

I was reading another blog from kindredspiritmom and she was addressing a journey on spiral staircase. I felt like she did, that sometimes I am going in circles on my journey...like a merry-go-round. Costantly learning and re-learning the same things wondering if I am ever going to get it. However, her analogy to a spiral staircase was so much more encouraging...going in circles but continually going up a little further.

Today was one of the days I felt God showed me we are climbing a little. Let me start by saying, I have loved Marilyn Howshall's writings for some time. I posted an article about some of her stuff. Anyway, she talks about kids coming along side you and learning what you are learning in your personal walk.

Today my dd was drawing some oranges. She didn't think she did very well. She is 6 and I looked and was amazed! Her oranges had little indentions at the top and really looked great! I admired and encouraged and asked her how she knew how to draw the top of the orange...she sheepishly looked at me and said...."From an artist." I said, "Really? What artist?" She said, "You Mommy!" Then I remembered that a few days earlier I had been sketching some fruit (inspired by sister and carrielouise) and had been practicing on that very thing...along side us.

Then, my son was talking about death and my daughter said, "But Noah, no one has to be scared of death because you would be with your Daddy!" (her arms lifted up to him) I loved it because a few days ago we had been talking of God being Abba, our Daddy. They loved that and she remembered it...Thank you Lord. ...along side us..

I was trying to delve into more scripture and even memorize portions so I was taping myself and listening. My son loved what I had done and wanted to copy me...delving in word...memorization....meditation....along side us.

I am so thankful to my Heavenly Daddy that he takes us along side Him so we can take them along side us.

What Does Lifestyle of Learning Look Like? - Marilyn Howshall

2006-04-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you have ever heard of Marilyn Howshall's Lifestyle of Learning. It is SO great! I have read her book Wisdoms Way Of Learning, I had the old one and it was thick but so juicy! I saw this article and it is pretty Long but well worth the read! It will inspire and relieve you. If you do not know much about the approach and want more info. her site is www.lifestyleoflearning.org.

Liberate Your Personal Growth Potential

The first season is a time to challenge your soul to understand the two-fold nature of education—individual scholarship and discipleship—leading to change for yourself that results in growth and change for your whole family. In Conversations with ‘Beth’ Marilyn discusses in detail the first season of growth and change, addressing common concerns of busy mothers. In this fictional narrative, uniquely conducive to the mentoring process Marilyn desires for the reader, you are led into revelation of your personal need for continuing your education at home through both individual scholarship and individual discipleship. Marilyn also helps you to get organized in a minimum routine of disciplines so you will be making progress with your children while at the same time making room for self-education.
It had been a week of regrouping, rest, fellowship, and fun with my family after the long weekend meeting. My family had so much to share with me about the goings-on of our life while I was gone. They were always excited to have me home, and the first full day back we usually went together to a favorite restaurant where we stayed as long as we could just visiting and catching up. I loved those times, and looked forward to not thinking about anything except for family life.
The next couple of days would be spent catching up on the most important aspects of our ministry’s routine business. And after that my family knew I needed time to simply process with the Lord. This usually meant doing errands alone so I could think my own thoughts until I felt like resurfacing into my regular routine the following week. It was the perfect week to meet with Beth. I knew our conversation would serve to bring additional closure for me before having to put the recent meeting behind.
I met Beth at the meeting. I had noticed her eyes well up with tears several times during the first day. I saw her in the hallway early in the afternoon and stopped to chat with her and then a couple of more times throughout the meeting. When I learned that she lived near me, I offered to get together with her after the meeting in the weeks ahead to help her understand how to walk through the season-by-season process of change. This visit would be to discuss the first season Liberate Your Personal Growth Potential. I knew Beth was challenged to make changes in how she was educating her children, but that she was also feeling a bit overwhelmed about how to begin. I prayed this would be a breakthrough time for her.
As I approached the restaurant where I would be meeting Beth, I looked forward to my time with her. I knew she believed we were mostly getting together for her benefit, but I also knew the dynamics of a two-way conversation would give me an opportunity to fine-tune my message, something I always wanted to improve. I pulled into the parking lot and spotted Beth getting out of her car just a little ahead of me. Wonderful timing, I thought. We would have a chance to hug and greet each other before being seated in the restaurant. I hoped she was feeling more at peace this week.
“Marilyn, it’s good to see you, I’m so grateful for this opportunity to get together. I’ve felt different this week, but not actually sure why.” Beth looked refreshed.
“Hi, Beth, so good to see you too, and it’s an opportunity for me too. I enjoy a two-way communication, especially after having ‘monologued’ for two days.” We entered the restaurant chatting about our prior dining experiences there. Once the waiter took our order, I sensed that Beth was eager to launch in. I was relieved that our waiter was not one who insisted on impressing us with his personality. He was obviously focused on quietly serving us, which enabled us to visit without much distraction.
Beth began, “I’ve had so much to think about this week; in fact it’s been sobering, but at the same time I’ve felt a certain release too. That’s probably why I feel different, even though everything in my life seems the same and I still have so much confusion about what I’m doing. It’s just that I feel relieved somehow. I know I’m on the threshold of change and that things will never be the same again. I feel more firmly set on a particular path and I know there’s no turning back. You were right when you said that things would begin to make more sense in time. I still have so many questions, but I’m actually beginning to get a few answers too so I feel encouraged.”
I asked her, “What are some of the things you see more clearly now?”
“Well, they’re mostly fragments here and there. I’m still hoping that you’ll be able to help me pull it all together. I know that my children have been unhappy with their school studies. I know that our relationships are not what they should be. I know that our family life is not producing the satisfaction I had hoped it would, and I know that I don’t experience much fruit for all the hard work I do.”
“You’ve got that down pat,” I said, smiling, “But did you notice that what you’re seeing reflects only that which is not right? Have you thought about how you could begin turning these areas around? Unless you can develop a well defined direction for the vision you’re beginning to acquire for your family, you will stay stuck in this place.”
“I realize I’m suppose to pay more attention to my children’s heart conditions. I know I need to develop my own relationship with the Lord taking it to a level it’s never been. I acknowledge that my life is going in too many directions and that I have to reign it in somehow. And the scary part is that I understand I have to change the way I’m educating my children. But this is where I get confused, I don’t really feel confident in any other way. I haven’t the foggiest idea where to begin. I’ve been wandering in my mind all week trying to find a place to anchor my thoughts in a specific direction. I heard what you said about the seven seasons. But it seems that the children’s needs are pushed way down toward the end of the seasons. I keep wanting to bring theirs up to the number one spot and ignore my own process altogether. I can’t reconcile what I feel I’m suppose to be doing for them with what appears to be doing nothing for them while spending time and attention on me. Do you know what I’m saying?”
“Yes, I do, Beth. Maybe I can help you sort it out. First let me review the first season with you. I brought a summary sheet you can take home with you. It’s brief enough to read right now before we continue our discussion.”
A Season-by-Season Process to Release Growth and Change into Your Life
Summary of the First Season:
Primary Focus: It's About You!Activities: Liberate your personal growth potential.Develop your personal reading program. Collect notes. Surrender your life, your familyís education, and its direction to Godís wisdom. Pay attention to personal heart matters. Lessons: Relationship, and Self-Government. Your lessons will give you understanding about the two-fold nature of education: individual scholarship and discipleship.
“Remember that the first season is for you to liberate your personal growth potential. If you embrace personal self-education through individual scholarship and individual discipleship, you’ll learn the true nature of these two vital areas of life. Why do you think that’s important?”
“Well, I must admit that I really don’t know. Mentally, I understand as you said at the meeting that we must renew our minds if we want to walk in something new.”
New Experiences Needed
“That’s right, a renewal of the mind is so vital to changing our subconscious because that is the place out of which much of our lives is conducted; where things seem like second nature to us. We don’t have to think about them so much, as they just come naturally to us.”
“I never thought of it like that before, but I see what you’re saying. Most of the things I do for my children are things I grew up in, they are a part of me, my subconscious as you say, and so they come naturally.”
“You just said that you really didn’t know what else to do for your children other than what you had been doing all along. The reason is that you can only provide for others based upon your collective experiences. Your experiences give you the understanding for how to proceed with similar requirements later in life. Your prior experience of education is all you know how to provide for your children now. How will you be able to provide a different learning process altogether if you haven’t experienced it first for yourself? Your understanding of what needs to be done cannot be superficially based upon theory that you gained from someone’s teaching like you got from me at the meeting. The theory must be practically outworked in your own life so it becomes a part of you. Then you will have new experiences of education that will serve to shape what you do for your children. You will feel confident in your new experiences just as you felt confident in the old. This means that whatever new plans you set in place for your children will be born out of confidence and assurance, instead of the fear, uncertainty, and even confusion that you’ re experiencing now.”
“I see what you’re saying, I can only implement new ideas that I’ve fully experienced myself, otherwise I’ll remain stuck in the old—but comfortable—mode of providing education for my children. I need new experiences that begin with me so the things I do for my children will be like second nature to me.”
“Yes, you’re getting it, Beth. You need to experience the power of self-education—how it can change you—so you’ll free your children to become self-learners.”
“But it seems so hard to do. I don’t have the time to become re-educated and to learn new things.”
The ‘Hidden’ Nature of Self-Education
“That’s how I thought you were viewing it. Let me help you recognize something about where you are right now in your process. Do you realize that for the last few months you have already been walking in the first season? You’ve been reading my messages and attended a meeting where you were ‘marathoned’ in a lot of new information. You’ve been doing a lot of ‘background processing’—in a word, meditating—as you go about your household duties. You have been making your heart available for the Lord to speak to you about the need for change. Already, to a certain extent, you understand the true nature of education even if only subconsciously.”
“You’re right!” exclaimed Beth as she sat up straighter at this realization. “I hadn’t even thought of it like that. I knew I was reading, and learning new concepts, thinking a lot more about my family life, and experiencing conviction for a new direction altogether. I guess I just didn’t think of it as my education.”
“Most people don’t see the almost hidden nature of an education and discipleship process as it takes place within the context of real life. That’s the simplicity of a lifestyle of learning. It almost seems too simple and natural, too unstructured and unplanned, and so it goes invalidated. And yet, you must admit that you are raising your line of vision to include more of what God might want to do in your life. And you’re doing that out of the natural outflow that results from increasing your exposure to new ideas and allowing yourself to experience conviction toward change.”
Increasing Exposure to New Ideas
“Yes, I see it too. My desires have been growing ever since I was exposed to new ideas through your messages. I know I’ll never again be satisfied with the status quo. I really want to turn things around. I want a healthy path for our family. My husband wants it too. At times he seems to understand a lot of what you teach better than I do.”
“Then,” I answered, “Why not discuss the seven seasons with him and come into agreement about how you will proceed from here? I’m certain that if both of you can see where you are headed, you’ll be more likely to relinquish prior expectations and become more focused on the needs of the current season.”
“I really want to do that, but how can I just ignore the needs of my children while I engage in the first few seasons, getting my life and home in order? I know it sounds silly, but it seems I need to place them in a time warp or something so they don’t do any more growing until I’m ready for them.”
A Primary Focus for Each Season
I chuckled as I remembered my own early fears of feeling the very same way. “There’s a misconception I’m picking up from what you just said. Having a primary focus in each season does not mean it is the only thing you do. ‘Primary’ is used to denote the probability of one or more secondary focuses. It’s just that you’ll become more enlightened in only one area at a time. You will be doing something—even if it is only minimal and unenlightened—in all areas of your responsibilities toward your children while making a more concentrated effort toward change on one primary area of need so you can achieve a measure of progress. You will never be ignoring your children or putting them on hold, not if you listen to what God tells you is truly vital for the season you’re in. You will always have time to provide for your children’s true and current needs no matter what area you are focused toward making changes.
Many moms think their primary concern at all times is toward the academic aspect of education. They become overwhelmed just thinking about how to get it all set in place in time to ‘do school’ by a certain date, for they dare not miss a day of the traditional school schedule. They begin to view their household duties as getting in the way of what they think they’re suppose to be doing with their children. They couldn’t be more wrong. In such homes, family life suffers, household responsibilities suffer, the family diet suffers, and above all relationships suffer, and all for the sake of academics.
The truth is that real life must become a healthier foundation on which to build your family’s learning process. In fact, your regular household duties are a perfect stage for your children’s training in every important area of development. You will be adding new disciplines into your lifestyle over the course of the next year, possibly a new one every few weeks or so. You will want to fit them around a solid base of home-centered responsibility that is made up of the ‘stuff’ of real life. An important guideline to remember is ‘first things first.’ Any serious mother and homemaker knows what that means. Real life has a way of ordering our priorities for us at times.
Let’s say you are in the first season of liberating your personal growth potential. We already know this means you will be engaged in a reading and note-taking program. While this is a primary focus for personal change, obviously it’s not all you’ll be doing. You have many responsibilities that require attention. Here is an illustration of what this first season could look like.
‘Get Up Before the Children’
You’d be amazed at how many moms get their day off to a bad start just by neglecting their own needs. Plan a regular time for arising in the morning before your children so you can be prepared for your day. The feeling that the day ‘has gotten away’ usually lasts all day and can make you feel weighed down and overwhelmed.
‘Meal Planning Routine’
Establish a weekly meal planning day so your kitchen duties and grocery shopping is efficient and less worrisome. The end of the week is good for this so that your grocery shopping and meal planning is ready for a strong start on Monday. You want the basics of life to be running smoothly before you begin adding more disciplines to your daily routine. It’s important to not allow a well-running household to be sacrificed for the sake of academics. If you do you will become deeply dissatisfied as a wife and mother. This would not be in God’s will for you.
‘Organize Household’
Next, make certain you spend a month or so getting your physical household in order. Suggestions would be to organize cupboards, closets, and all your stuff. Try to eliminate clutter. Organize your outside-the-home activities too. You will be learning more about this in the third season in the book, Come Home from Homeschool, but for now just try to pare back to a minimum to give you time to take care of more important training objectives at home.
‘Routine Chores’
Practice getting household chores done in the mornings, drawing your children into helping as much as possible. Make it a goal to accomplish tasks with peaceful hearts, beginning with your own! Help your children to obey quickly, and without complaint toward instructions. You are training them to become self-motivated workers. And don’t leave them out of these important activities for the sake of getting them through academic lessons while you do chores. This would waste a perfectly good opportunity to teach them household management and life skills. Some moms have their children sitting in front of a video program from an early hour everyday as though they were going to school. And they may as well be for they are just as cut off from real life as if they weren’t even at home.
‘Routine Errands’
Practice becoming more efficient with any necessary errands, combining them into one day a week if possible. This will free up more time for afternoon productive time for both you and your children. You will likely do some personal reading during children’s rest and play times.
‘Family Reading-Aloud Time’
Reading aloud to your children is probably the next best discipline to add to your routine. It is a natural platform for teaching your children truths that would not normally surface on a regular basis, but that will open the door for rich discussions between you. Reading together is really the best way to teach subjects like Bible and history. Instead of textbooks you can read fun and interesting historical biographies. If you are not accustomed to this habit then it might help to anchor it to lunchtime or another activity that occurs on a regular basis. This activity can become one of the most rewarding you engage in with your children, and a precious memory-maker of your days together.
‘Productive Free-Time’
Once you are somewhat consistent with household duties and reading times, you can begin taking a look at the quality of your children’s afternoon free-time activities. This block of time is essential for training your children in their individual learning processes. Help them to choose valuable activities each day within the context of a prescribed block of free time, usually afternoons. The reading material for the fourth season, Develop a Lifestyle Routine, will help you understand the work that needs to be done in order to shape your children’s character and develop their learning abilities.
I paused and asked, “How does this sound so far, Beth?”
“Well, it all sounds necessary. I can see where I could make a few improvements in how I manage my household. I guess I’m wondering when you’re going to get to the academic part.” Then she apologetically admitted, “I know I’m really consumed with the need to understand how it all fits together.”
“Oh, I’m not leaving out academics. In fact, it’s next. However, my suggestions won’t look the way you’re accustomed to seeing them approached.
‘Table-Time’
Table-time is reserved for learning activities that require a pencil and mom’s consistent instruction. I don’t believe this block of time in your day is the most important. But I know it is of the utmost concern to you when your mind is unrenewed about education and how children develop, and I do agree that it comprises an important group of disciplines for your children when proper wisdom is applied. If you are anchored in a flexible table-time routine that will advance your children’s skills in reading, writing, and math you will feel like you are making some progress. However, if you plan an entire academic agenda for each of your children, you will begin or continue to burn out and be unable to meet its demands.”
Beth interjected, “Table-time as you call it has never been a fun time for us. I’ve tried to make our school studies fun, but the children have a hard time paying attention, and there’s always some form of bickering going on. The little ones are always interrupting and I feel like I could spend all day and still get very little accomplished.”
I knew this was the case with Beth and many other moms too. I answered, “If there is a need to gain control over your children’s behavior then you will want to minimize or even delay table-time disciplines for a season. The reason being that strife or conflict in the home caused by undisciplined children will rob you of precious time. You actually will not have as much time for productivity (getting ahead) as you would if your children were disciplined and obedient. So feel free for a season to make it your goal to get your children under Spirit-control (as opposed to carnal control), and allow your expectations about table-time requirements to rest for a while. Don’t worry about them getting ‘behind’ as this is just a myth based upon society’s standards for education.”
“But how do I not feel behind if I don’t do as much or, as you suggest, any of the academics for a season?”
“Beth, you must remember that you are trying to achieve far more than mere academic learning and must coordinate all areas of life so wholeness can develop in your family. You want a complete education for them, and not just a superficial one. You’ll be amazed at how fast children learn things when they are truly ready for a new skill or discipline, and especially when they’re happy. There is a lot to be said for character development being the foundation of any true education.
Just try it for a few weeks and see. You can pay more attention to your children’s true needs. Teach them to listen more attentively to your instruction while doing chores. Have them respond more quietly to you and to each other, while at the same time they learn to obey quickly. All this and more ought to be accomplished in them while doing regular household chores and activities before you ever sit them down to do table-time; a time when you need as much order as possible to accomplish tasks that require concentration.”
I paused to let that sink in, and I could tell that Beth was accepting the suggestions as needing attention in her family. So I continued.
“Then when you feel ready to begin some table-time disciplines, all you really need is a minimal amount of activity on which to build slowly over time. You do not want to launch into a full-scale program for all your children like you’ve been doing. You will need to strip back your requirements to a bare minimum for each child. Here’s my suggestion: 15 minutes up through ages 8-10 or12; 30 minutes between ages 10 or 12-14; 1 to 2 hours as needed for ages 14 and up.” I knew this would be a stumbling block to Beth and noticed her begin to tense up. I paused, awaiting her response.
She said, “That sounds like so little. What can we possibly accomplish in only 15-30 minutes a day?”
“Remember this is just a starting place to get your life on solid ground. You’d be amazed at just how much if you approach it correctly. I’ll show you how in just a moment, but first I want you to remember again that your focus is not on the academics so much as it is on training your children. The academics or table-time is more like a stage upon which the real education of your children—their training—is taking place. You must expect them to mature spiritually as they are being trained. As they do, you will be able to increase their time spent on academic disciplines.”
Beth seemed to be more settled so I went on, “Now let me show you how to decide what to include in your precious 15-30 minutes of table-time. Begin to walk by the Spirit (applying wisdom), making a true evaluation of the one thing your oldest child needs right now. Choose one or two skills to focus on at a time. Only add a new discipline to this child’s requirements when you feel ‘on top of’ the first one or two. In other words, when the first activity becomes a natural part of everyday routine then add the next. This means that the new disciplines have become a part of your life even in your weak periods, thus having withstood a few fluctuations of consistency. Now is the time to add a new discipline. You will not burn out this way and you will see much more progress because it’s doable and you will actually accomplish your objective. Do you see how this could work?”
“If I’m understanding your meaning, then instead of having my oldest do math, reading, writing, and history all at the same time, I have to decide which one is the most important for him to do right now.”
I answered, “Exactly, I can guarantee he really doesn’t have a need in all those subjects in the same way right now. Just begin to examine what you know to be his true need. For instance, if he’s not fluent in reading then too much writing would be a burden, and work in his math book a frustrating experience. It would take him way too long to read the instructions and any word problems. If he’s not fluent in penmanship then expecting him to do a lot of written work except for copy work practice would be unreasonable right now. Can you see that this would produce a high level of frustration in him?”
Beth sighed and said, “I knew he was having a hard time with math, but I believed I was suppose to be making him do his grade level and that somehow the reading would just kick in. In the meantime I end up doing much of the work for him.” She slid down in her seat and shook her head as she realized what she’d been doing.
“It’s all right, Beth. You’re not the only one who has approached the academic disciplines this way. Most moms have unrealistic expectations of their children. It stems from the way the school system operates. Can you see now that developing reading skills might be your objective for him right now and that the discipline for table-time might be limited to copy work for a season so he can become more fluent in his reading and writing? You can add the math later when he is more ready for it. But for the time being he could keep up his facts by using flash cards.”
She nodded and I went on, “You must get to know your children by paying closer attention to their responses instead of just assuming you are suppose to be doing things a certain way. I promise that you will be able to discern each of your child’s true and current needs if you pay more attention to their responses and actual abilities.
Once you know what you’re doing with your oldest child and the routine is actually set in place then you can add a requirement for the second child. Continue to progress down the line of your children from the oldest to the youngest in the same manner, initiating and setting in place one activity at a time for one child at a time. Expect this to take awhile, maybe even a few weeks. It really depends on how well it goes, and I’m sure you’ll have to do a little experimenting.
You will want to continue to develop this pattern applying it throughout the years each time you embark on a fresh season of routine, like after a long summer or holiday break. Your children will be happier and you will have the time to focus on all the child training opportunities that present themselves throughout the day. You will follow this guideline if achieving and maintaining a spirit of peace and harmony and low-level stress in your home is important to you. And I know that by now you are realizing more deeply just how important that is.”
I was glad to notice Beth’s countenance begin to lift as she understood the process of initiating academic disciplines. She asked, “Am I right to assume that the reason for such a brief period of table-time is so I have the needed time to address the character issues that arise?”
“Wonderful, Beth. That’s a bulls-eye! When you plan too much of an academic program there’s not enough time to address other important issues and all you feel is pressure to meet the demands of the program you’ve planned. You feel like a failure unless you accomplish it all. The trick is to only plan what’s truly reasonable so child training doesn’t get shoved aside.”
Learn to listen to your spirit for there is Life there; the Lord is speaking to you! In fact let me point out a scriptural truth in what I just said. In Romans 8:1 the Lord says that ‘There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.’ Feelings of guilt and condemnation—like you might experience when you can’t meet the demands of your program—are present because you probably initiated your plans by the flesh to begin with. The Scripture says that you are supposed to feel that way! The law cannot be met, Beth, even the ‘law’ we set up for ourselves in an unrealistic program. If you can’t do it all, you feel like a failure, right?”
She brightened with understanding and said, “I barely remember a time when I didn’t feel like that. You’re right, if the Scripture is true, then I’m not suppose to feel guilty, as though I’m not doing enough, if I’m really walking by the Spirit in God’s will.”
“Beth, I’m so looking forward to when you experience this for yourself. It will happen, sweetheart, and you’ll know without a doubt that you’re in God’s will and nothing will be able to convince you otherwise. You’ll experience such peace in your soul.”
I could see that she was laying hold of these truths and wanted to understand more. She went back to our original topic of discussion with a question, “I’m understanding that table-time is only for skills requiring a pencil, like copy work that improves reading and handwriting skills, math, and composition. What about history and science?”
Simplify Academic Requirements
“They’re probably the easiest subjects to change in the way you approach them. A good rule of thumb for academic requirements is to remember that if a discipline does not fit into your schedule right now, and you have tried everything to make it fit then begin to evaluate its necessity for the time being. In some cases all you need to do is change the form the subject or activity is taking. An example is the full-blown unit-study project used to teach a period of history. This can become a simplified and more enjoyable reading-aloud-time with your children. The two activities create very different burdens—one heavy and the other light—and produce entirely different fruit. The same goes for the traditional hour of math each day when 15-30 minutes will do just fine; or dictating a spelling program when simple copy work from the Bible for a season will help the child maintain a little progress in his skills. There are many ways to simplify your requirements. Science is just real life all around. Your children learn so much just in their playtime and if you begin to validate their playtime projects you’ll learn how to encourage and direct their learning processes in every subject area. Begin to look at each need and ask the Lord for creative alternatives.”
“Yes, I can see that I’ve been very uncreative and just plain boring with how we’ve done academics. I thought, well you know what I thought. It doesn’t matter anymore. I can see that ‘school’ could be a lot more fun with less pressure and still get the job done. I’m sure my children would like it better and I would too.”
Home-Centered Lifestyle and Extra-Curricular Activities
“Now let me switch topics here and address your lifestyle a bit. The more you stay home, the more you will accomplish the important goals of shaping godly family values, training your children, and developing self-motivated learners. You don’t want to allow extra-curricular activities for your children outside your home to rob you of quality routine. Many of these are nothing more than indulgences that produce weak character and selfishness in your children. If your routine is not strong and you don’t feel like you are accomplishing much, then delay the extras until your children are older. All you have to do is practice a little common sense.
For instance, recognize the increased demand that outside-the-home, extra-curricular activities create. This is especially true when mom must do the chauffeuring with several other youngsters in tow! Evaluate whether your commitments are taking place at the appropriate time in your family’s life. If you do choose to provide for a child outside the home, commit to one thing that is important to you and your husband for that child, something you sense may help direct future purpose. Everything else can wait.
If you develop a stay-at-home lifestyle, you will find time for your own education. This is an exciting season for you, Beth. A season prepared for you by God. Receive it as a gift from Him. And remember to allow peace to reign in your heart and home.
The Barometer of Peace
In fact, peace must become a barometer for your activity-based decisions; a way to measure whether you ought to be doing a thing. If you tend to overwork your family for the sake of ‘making progress’ or overrun them around for the sake of ‘opportunity’ you are paying a great price in the quality of your relationships. You may lose your children’s hearts and later have to work that much harder to regain them. The spiritual atmosphere in your home will shape your children’s hearts and relationships for life. Math doesn’t shape anybody; it’s only a useful tool. Listen to the Lord for the proper timing and amount of work to require for any learning discipline. I agree that they are all-important, but again, let peace be a barometer. When life gets too big, pare back until you experience peace so you can meet your children’s true needs. Your usual tendency will be trying to do too much, so you’ll be experimenting in this process, making adjustments along the way.
Learn to recognize when you are operating out of insecurity or fear. Moms think they are suppose to be pushing their children rapidly along toward their future, when in truth they are suppose to be drawing them alongside, causing their growth along with their own. A peaceful and unhurried atmosphere in the home must become a constant to give you the needed opportunity to help your children mature.
What Is Good for You Is Good for Your Children
Real life will provide ample ‘meat’ for your family’s education. That means that if you, the parent, are in a quiet season of acquiring vision and understanding about how to proceed with something you don’t yet have understanding about, then your children too are in the same season with you. That doesn’t mean they’re reading the same materials and consciously setting a course for their young lives as you’re attempting to do. But it does mean that while you’re taking more time to read and meditate, you’re freeing your children to rest, think, and explore. Do you see that what is good for you is also good for them?
Most children never get an opportunity to really connect with themselves and learn who they are and what they would be about if they had time for something other than someone else’s expectations of them. They need to learn how to relate with their own education. A good way to begin doing that is to have the opportunity to connect with the reality of their own environment. Likewise, if you’re in a season of paring back activities to make more time for child training, it doesn’t mean that only your activities are getting evaluated for their worth. Your children’s too are coming under the microscope of examination for the fruit they are producing. Whatever God is doing in your life, He wants to do in your whole family, but He will be moving first and foremost through you.
If you don’t know yet what to do as far as lifestyle of learning activities, you can’t prematurely and artificially impose such on your children or you will blow it. You can only do what you currently know how to do, your traditional plans, and your current home-centered activities. But you can pare back your academic requirements and expectations to make room for your children to acquire more thought life, more play-time, more family interaction and enjoyment of relationships. This brings us back to what you said earlier about the things you know that need to change.
You said that you knew you were suppose to spend more time paying attention to the condition of your children’s hearts, and your own relationship with the Lord. You admitted to the need of cutting back your activities and commitments so your life could begin to make more sense. The needs you are describing have nothing at all to do with academic requirements, and yet all of them, if given the proper attention, would make possible a healthy focus on academics.
You see, the reason you work too hard for your children’s education is because you’re trying to do it all for them. They need to be taught how to do it for themselves. This is part of their equipping and character training that you don’t want to rob from them. But do you see that in order to train them in their own process of self-education you must become trained yourself? That is what this first season is all about, training you.”
Recognize Fear but Choose Faith
“Yes, I really am getting what you’re saying. I mean I’m actually understanding it in my mind and my heart is embracing it too, but...” I could see that Beth was still torn about something, and I thought I knew what it might be.
“Beth, it’s fear isn’t it?” She reluctantly agreed with a nod and so I continued,” What I want you to realize is that your family wouldn’t need restoration now if your focus had been healthy to begin with. The academic focus served to keep your family on a path that created tremendous voids in your life, your character, the character of your children, your family relationships, and especially your relationships with God—all vital elements of their real education. Negative conditions began to fill those voids. You would like to work on these areas without giving up the very activities that caused the dysfunction. You want to maintain this level of security, but it won’t work. If you want to change, you will have to eliminate from your life or in some cases minimize certain activities so you can become a healing presence to your family. The thing that produced negative conditions will not now contribute to the healing of those conditions.
You must choose what is vital for your family at this time and stick with it. Holding onto things the Lord is leading you to let go of will prevent you from developing faith and trust in Him, believing that He is who He says He is. He says in Hebrews:
‘But without faith it is impossible to please and be satisfactory to Him. For whoever would come near to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He is a rewarder of those who earnestly and diligently seek Him [out].’ —Hebrews 11:6 (TAB)
If you truly believe that God will be there for you as you choose to follow Him, then you can freely let go and begin again, knowing that He is directing you. If you want to believe, but are fearful, then letting go is a starting place for developing your faith and trust in Him. Beth, God is not going to fail you. He is faithful and steadfast toward those He calls His children.
I want to remind you about something I shared in my own testimony. Remember me telling you how I laid down the school stuff so our family could rest for those eight months? During that season, I experienced something I hadn’t for a long time. Do you know what that was?”
“Well, you experienced perspective that had gotten swallowed up in a busy life.”
“Yes, and that perspective told me that I wanted to be a mother more than a teacher. I missed being my children’s mother. I missed just enjoying them.” At that, Beth’s eyes began to tear up. I knew I had struck a chord in her heart.
Healthy Relationships Facilitate Growth and Change
“You see, Beth, God already knows the truth that healthy relationships are His order. He is the one who put mothering in our hearts. We both know how different mothering is from teaching and yet as a mother, teaching is something we do a lot of. We have minimized the importance of mothering in favor of teaching because our concept of a student is skewed. All we picture is academics in limited desk-style learning. Remember at the meeting I said that Jesus called His followers disciples, which means ‘learner’ or ‘student’, and yet His definition of student must have been far different from our own because He never held a formal routine of classes. He walked along the way of life and His followers walked with Him, in relationship. I love the word ‘learn.’ I use it all the time. The focus of my daily purpose is on learning instead of teaching. This doesn’t mean I don’t teach; I do. But I too am on a path of learning with my children, a humble path. We are learning together the lessons of life as we walk in relationship with each other.
Relationship is so crucial for us to understand and yet I think we understand it very little. It is life’s most central lesson and that which makes life work the way it should, and work efficiently. There is so much more power in relationship than we realize. An intimate relationship with God changes people. And it doesn’t stop there. Change—as a subordinating truth of relationship—will occur in any human relationship whether for our good or for evil. A child’s intimate relationship with his mother will shape that child for life, shaping him in ways that nothing else ever could, shaping a foundation on which he will be able to build later on his own. Intimate relationship with his parents will prevent dreaded voids from forming in his character and values. Whenever there is a void it will eventually be filled with something. If it has not been deliberately filled with what’s truly needed, it will be filled by default with undesirable traits, values, and foolishness. Children need to walk closely with their parents, just as parents need to walk closely with their Heavenly Father.”
Beth was thoughtful for a moment, then commented, “I’m beginning to see why it’s so important to clear away unfruitful activities; to make time to develop all my relationships, beginning with my relationship with the Lord. I have little wisdom to impart to my children because I’ve not been listening to the Lord. My children don’t have a close relationship with me because I don’t have a close relationship with my Lord. Oh, God, what have I been thinking of all these years? My own children are starving for wisdom from me, but I have not been available to them in the ways they have needed.”
Gently I covered Beth’s hand with my own and encouraged her, “The Lord loves you so much, Beth. That’s why He’s getting your attention focused on these matters now. He doesn’t want to be left out of the exciting adventure of your life. He wants to be involved in the details with you.”
Letting God Be In Authority
“Tell me again what you said at the meeting about authority. I guess I never thought about it much before.”
I summarized the message I gave at the last session of the meeting, in particular the ideas about authority. I reminded her, “In coming to grips with real life, you realize more acutely your need for accountability, because you are becoming deliberately more proactive toward your own growth as well as your family’s. Exercising a greater degree of self-government causes you to recognize your need of a Father’s wisdom. So you choose to no longer walk alone in the managing of your family’s life, but learn to work together with the Lord in relationship, submitting to your Father’s authority so you can make decisions in harmony with biblical truth.”
And because Beth specifically wanted to understand the principle of authority better, I added, “A balanced exercise of authority is a two-way proposition. Your level of submission to your Father in heaven will definitely influence the quality of how you exercise authority with your children. Parents find it far too easy to ‘push and shove’, exercising ungodly control over their children simply because they can get away with it for a time when the children are small. But let me remind you that it is only for a time. As the children get older, the fruit of what has been sown will begin to blossom and come forth. It will not lie.”
Beth had been thoughtfully listening and I noticed her relax a bit against her seat. She sighed deeply and said, “I see how I’ve been very intense with my life; my poor family must be feeling that from me all the time. They need this season as much as I do. Wow, it’s just as you said that what’s good for me is also good for my children. I’m beginning to see practical application. I need to regain a sense of adventure in my life. I need to regain a sense of peace and contentment and order. How else am I ever going to get their attention? If I’m running frazzled and heavy-burdened, they won’t want to be around me. If I am to draw them alongside me, as you say, then they have to want to be with me, right?”
“That’s right, Beth. Love is the only ‘power’ that will draw others to want to walk with us. We could even say that ‘staying’ power is what we need if we want our children to walk with us all the way into adulthood. Romans 2:4 (NAS) says ‘Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance.’ That kindness and love when expressed toward our children will lead them to repent as well. It overflows from us to them. Love binds us together and keeps us together. That kind of love comes only from the Lord. It’s worth the time spent to receive from the Lord, Beth. It is never time wasted as it will go the distance with you through life’s challenges.”
I asked Beth if she had picked up a copy of the book list for the suggested reading during each of the seven seasons. She missed it so I told her I’d stick one in the mail to her the following day.
We continued our visit as we left the restaurant and slowly headed toward our cars. I asked Beth questions about her family life so I could get to know her better. How sweet she was as she spoke of her husband and the mutual dreams they shared for their family that now included six precious children.
I wanted to be sure she felt focused as she returned home so, as we sat in Beth’s car for a few more minutes before going our separate ways, I reviewed with her the main ideas we discussed from the notes I jotted down for her to take home.
Main Ideas for Renewing the Mind
Think of the family's building process as a metaphor for personal transformation.
Primary focus of this season is to engage in a lifestyle of self-education through individual scholarship and individual discipleship.
A new experience of education is needed that proceeds from becoming self-taught.
Increasing exposure to new ideas (which begins the process of self-education), shapes convictions, and in turn, convictions shape actions.
Healthy relationships facilitate positive growth and change.
What is good for you is good for your children.
Additionally, I gave Beth specific actions toward self-education to consider taking while in the first season. I reminded her that in taking these actions she would be developing in the wisdom of God’s principles, specifically those of authority, relationship, and self-government and all the lessons they had to offer.
Suggested Activities toward Self-Education
Develop personal reading program.
Collect notes from your reading and meditations for later use in the next season when you'll be developing your personal and family vision.
Re-read The Science, Art, and Tools of Learning and Walk by the Spirit in Your Homeschool Decisions.
Review the list of suggested activities for each season to prepare your heart for the work that needs to be done in the coming year.
Review the list of suggestions given at the meeting for positive actions to begin taking toward your children and begin practicing them on a daily basis
Practice working with the Lord in relationship.
Submit decisions to the test of peace in your heart.
Suggested Order for Implementing Routine Disciplines
Develop a habit of awaking before your children. Learn to take care of personal business first.
Establish a meal planning routine.
Organize household.
Establish routine chores.
Establish routine errands.
Add a routine family reading-aloud time.
Plan afternoon free-time activities.
Finally, when all the above is up and running somewhat smoothly, plan and establish a minimum table-time routine for your mornings.
Beth was understanding how it fit together. She said, “I’m seeing that I’ll be continuing in these routines no matter what my primary focus for change is. For those areas I have yet to read up on, I just continue doing things the way I always have, unless the Lord gives me revelation of course. But I’ll still keep things pared back enough so it all fits, giving me time for my reading program, and more focus on my children’s true needs.”
“Yes, you want to avoid slipping back into a mode of intensity and stress. Just remember to let peace in your soul be your barometer.”
I reached over and placed my hand on Beth’s and said, “Beth, take time to dream about what you really want for your family; what you want your family to look like ten years from now, and even twenty years from now. Follow my suggestions with the understanding that they are only a basic road map to get you started. Remain open to hear from the Lord for specific directions He’ll want to give you for this season. He’ll be speaking to you. Listen to His voice and follow Him.”
I could see Beth begin to struggle again as she shifted in her seat. She said, “Well, that’s another thing. I don’t know that I know His voice very well. Oh, I understand conviction as it pertains to morality, but yielding the will in other areas of life and letting Jesus become Lord is new territory for me.”
“I know it seems vague at first, but it’s only because there are so many voices speaking to you just now. Once you begin to yield your own ways to the Lord you will become more familiar with His voice.”
We made plans to get together in a couple of weeks to see how she was coming along. And since she was struggling in this area, we would be discussing the dynamics of becoming Spirit-led. And I sensed we’d be starting at the beginning, by learning to recognize the conscience through lessons in self-government. We prayed together and both of us had a strong sense of God’s presence in this budding relationship. Thank you, Lord.
Be grateful and encouraged!
© Copyright 2003, by Marilyn HowshallAll Rights Reserved
Note: Now you’re ready to examine the Catalog Product Descriptions to learn more about the additional messages I’ve prepared for you to read as you continue to embrace your own self-education .

Lifestyle of Learning Ministries24619 - 19th AVE NEArlington, WA 98223

Home About Us Books Subscribe Articles Donations Contact Us© Lifestyle of Learning MinistriesDesign/Hosting: StartLine Communications, Inc.

A Case of the Giggles

2006-04-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

The other night my son and I were in the middle of a project that we had been working on for a while. Right at the end for no apparent reason my son got a case of the giggles. He could not stop. Not the irritating trying to be funny kind but the real giggles. He would try to get a grip but then would burst again. I began to get tickled just because of him. We would try to re-focus because we both wanted to accomplish what we had begun but there was no getting it done. The giggles invaded.

Do you remember times like this?

It reminded me of times in my past where something hit me funny and I could not contain the giggles. They like to invade at the most inappropriate times (like when someone falls and is sprawled out on the floor) but when they hit there is no stopping them....oh, you can try but you can't hide....in just a minute....here they come again. You can almost feel it a coming from the depths of your belly and there it is....hahahahaha....

No one can tell me that our God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Laughable

2006-04-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have been reading up on servanthood, including wonderful ways to serve hubby and make him feel cherished and treasured. Anyway, I clean up dinner and he has just come in from a meeting. I offer ice cream to the kids and to him. He takes the offer and enjoys. I stop and take time to visit with him. I go back to finish in kitchen and ask him if he would like some tea to drink. He pauses, says he already has water. Then, I think he is talking to the kids, he says "What's wrong?" He asks again and I realize he is talking to me. I say "Nothing." He says "Do you have some bad news you need to tell me." "No" "What is it then?" I start laughing at this point. I go over and sit in his lap and snuggle him and say "No, I just realized that I need to be letting my very best friend know that he is that special. I just love you." He just looks at me then acts like he is trying to see if I have the Mission Impossible mask on. We both get tickled. I know he likes to jest with me but it hits me that I am not doing near enough cherishing...you know,the little things. I get focused on my agendas or family stuff or kids etc. So, if I was wondering about needing that lesson on servanthood, I think God gave me the message LOUD and clear!

Too Funny!

2006-04-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is too funny. This homeschool mom came up with a t-shirt that is hysterical. Tell me what you think and if you would be brave enough to wear it.

http://homeschoolblogger.com/creativehomeschooling/20348

Pearl Gate

2006-04-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

I have prayed for a hunger for God's word. I love His word and want to read it, but when I read David talking over and over about how much He LOVES God's words and when I hear Beth Moore talking about how she can't live a day without them I have to re-think my love of them. I definitely feel that there are seasons I feel this way but not a daily consistent longing. Well, I feel God has used some new outlets to begin this longing in me.

It started while reading "A Woman After God's Own Heart"as well as the"Cornerstones" book for girls. In the Cornerstone book it talked about preparing our girls to have work at home so they wouldn't have to work outside the home even if they never married. I thought this was so neat since I have needed to do this from time to time. She gave great thoughts on how to use natural skills and talents and it got me to thinking about what were mine. This started an idea in my head. Then, when reading the other book it talked about imparting God's wisdom to our children all throughout the day. I have read those verses and that has always been a goal but I felt lacking. Anyway, what started as one venture turned into a different venture and it has set my mind a churning. It was contagious because my kids wanted in on what I was doing. I found I was consumed with a passage and trying to memorize it. The more I thought and dwelt the more I wanted to read it again. The more I tried to memorize the more I took home. So, was this the meditating He was talking about? The part I memorized was life in me. Then, in S.S. we were in Revelation. There were parts that related to the part of scripture I had been meditating on. And chewing on throughout the day, and re-visiting, and learning, searching, loving.

Anyway, I was in S.S. and the lesson was on ch.21. I was amazed by some facts I have missed in the past. I always heard the pearly gates but this is neat:

"1Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and first earth had passed away, and the sea existed no longer....16bHe measured the city with a rod at 12,000 stadia...19a the foundation of the city wall were adorned with every kind of precious stone....

21 THE TWELVE GATES ARE 12 PEARLS! each individual gate was made of a single pearl. The broad street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass."

Can you imagine walls as long as 1500 miles and a gate, a single pearl big enough to be the gate. It goes on to say,

"25 Each day its gates will never close because it will never be night there."

Anyway, that afternoon I told my son I had some neat stuff from the Bible but I would tell him a little later. Later he begged me to share what I was talking about. I did and it turned into big discussion and Bible focus. I love those God moments that I already have with my kids but I realized I need to be more intentional about it and help them also be excited about the living truth! I found it really is contagious. When I was excited and focused there so were they. Hmmm, sometimes things I make hard really should be easy. In fact, Jesus addresses that, my yoke easy and burden light.

Wave Therapy

2006-04-01T07:43:00.000-08:00

Ocean, originally uploaded by Martina.

(don't know the people in the picture but this is what our beach looks like)
Yesterday was our family day and we took off for some much need wave therapy(As my husband likes to call it...truly it is theraputic). We drove over to the beach! It was so fun to pack a lunch and head there. The water was still very cold to me but that didn't stop my kids. Off they went to swim, splash,make sand castles and play spy games on the sand dunes. Meanwhile, hubby and I sat with the waves crashing, wind gently blowing and sea gulls gawking, reading our books. Mine was "A Woman after God's own Heart"(very good and convicting in a good way....probably another blog) and husbands was a Calvin and Hobbs book. We had fun reading and talking, looking at seashells and just relaxing. Ahhhhhhhhh. Refreshing.

Jesus, take the wheel by Carrie Underwood

2006-03-30T20:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not much into country music but this song is good. The title pretty much says it all.

Beating Up

2006-03-30T07:12:00.000-08:00

I have found in my thoughts lately that I worry too much and beat myself up. Whether it is not doing enough in my parenting or schooling or housework or ministry. It can be overwhelming. I feel that I genuinely try but so many times feel the failure. I will let my thoughts get to me before I even realize it. Taking thoughts captive can be a challenge. I've realized that self talk or enemy talk can be upon me so fast and have me down before I even know it. I don't feel that I live my life with a lot of regrets but I think that is the thing I fear the most....regretting. I don't want to regret how I raised my children or treated my husband or how my kids turn out or the ministry I am involved in. I want to see fruit like I feel I should see it. I want so bad for my kids to be passionate about the Lord but I have seen other faithful parents whose children didn't choose that road. I have fears. I am not in control. Nor do I really want to be but it seems that sometimes I wish I were. It seems that my actions look like I have the illusion of having some semblance of control. It is almost a relief for me to realized I don't and that He does. It is also a thing I fear. I know He loves me and realizes all I can handle but I wrestle there. I wish I didn't. I don't want to feel beat up daily. I am praying that He will help me with this battle of the mind and choosing to see the good He has done in me and allow Him to deal with the struggles and future. I need to rest there. I hope I will. But, really, the point I have to come to is that it is not about me and my wants, rather His purpose. His purpose scares me, I can't be perfect in it and I feel that means failure. But He knew that didn't He? It is more of a process of trusting....which I also have issues with. Wow, still so much growing to do. Growth, that is a process I can relate to.

Menu Plans

2006-03-30T06:44:00.000-08:00

I was inspired to write out my plans due to my sister(LL) and friend(TOFTG). I wanted to link to their sites but my link button is acting up. Plus, it just helps me when I get it on paper or blog...:)

Monday
L-Mac & Cheese, fruit salad
S- Bacon Wrapped Pork Tenderloin
Cheesy Potatoes
Carrots and Peas
Fruit Salad

Tues.
L- Grilled turkey & cheese
S- Homemade Vegetable Beef Soup
fruit

Wed.
L-Hot Pocket sandwich
S-Creamy Chicken with Pasta, veggies, bread and butter

Thurs.
L-PBJ
S-Chicken fajitas or enchildas
Refried beans and rice

Friday
L-Meat, Cheese and Fruit Kabobs (copied from my sister)
S-Meatloaf
Mashed Potatoes
Green beans

Sat.
L-chicken nuggets, chips,
carrots and broccli, fruit
S - Pizza at the church

Sun.
L-Out to Eat
S-Cereal

Riveting Hero

2006-03-27T14:22:00.000-08:00

I had the real privledge of reading the beginning of a book from a Viet Nam vet with a purple heart. I couldn't put it down. It was riveting!! The Viet Nam vet just happens to be my Dad. I was amazed at all that my Dad faced. I have to share a short paragraph about one moment when he and the other marines were squatting down waiting to move because they knew the enemy was close around them. It is not even the most suspenseful part but one I didn't know which gave me even more insight into what they faced.

"We were spaced out 20 yards or so between each other to not cause any attention while our point Marines were observing the village. We were waiting quietly for what seemed forever in this heat and humidity. As I squatted down near a bush to wait I noticed movement in the monkey grass 30 yards to my side. I noticed this large snake which appeared to be 6 to 8 feet long, not sure what kind but the head was much larger than the body. I was told later that it probably was a Monocellate or King Cobra, they can grow up to 17.5 feet long. He raised his head above the grass and looked around and then seemed to fix his eyes on me and headed my way. I could not fire my weapon without giving away our position so I drew my bayonet and got ready to try and cut him in half before he bit me, as he got close and I got ready he stopped and looked at me and then headed in the opposite direction. What a relief as I took a deep breath and wondered what would have been the outcome. I understand that there are around 140 snake species in Vietnam and 30 of them are poisonous."

I can't wait until my Dad finishes his story. I will be recommending it to everyone. He faced such opposition and has never been one to talk about it unless we asked. He is a man who is unassuming but has such magnificent strength. I think the thing I took away while reading is that He is a hero. He would never agree to that but he is. He got a friend who was freezing up out of fear, to act and move when the enemy was firing at them. If he hadn't they wouldn't have made it through. He also helped another man who was just sitting by his friend grieving and in shock and forced him to move. I am also equally thankful to others who saved his life in the midst of battle. It was so harsh some of what they faced but I am so thankful that my Dad made it home and that He had the Lord to lean on during that time. Dad, thank you for your bravery and heroic measures. You are my hero!

Hair Reformation

2006-03-22T13:23:00.000-08:00

While being at my Mom's she tried desperately to help my bleached blond (that I had previously messed up) with very dark one inch roots take a better turn. She pulled my hair through to do some low lights. Well, we pulled a little too much through and it all turned dark. It was like a dark ash gray....hmmm...nice. We decided the next day it must be remedied again so once again I went through the poking my head while she painstakingly pulled it through yet another time. Finally I would look natural. She didn't pull as much hair through and although it is much lighter it is more of a dark blond with a few highlights. Aww well, we tried. I don't want my hair to fall out so we must stop for now but maybe in a month....heehee....Mom is begging me not to touch my hair again. I feel it was a process from ugly egg to trying to get to the swan. Maybe I made it to a wan.

trying to go from eggly to swan

2006-03-22T13:16:00.000-08:00

Suprisingly Lengthy Trip

2006-03-22T08:17:00.000-08:00

What started out as a trail to visit family has turned rather lengthy. I took my husbands car at the last minute due to hurrying to beat out bad weather that was coming where I was going. I made it in time to be safe. Thank you Lord. However, when I was driving those 70 mile an hour my car was beginning to shake pretty bad so I would slow down. I was worried that a screw was loose around the tired or something. It seemed to do okay without the shakes when I slowed down. It was hard to stay slower because I was in a hurry to end our 14 hour trip but at the same time I didn't want to be on the side of the road either.

When I got to my husband's side of the family they specifically asked if I had car trouble. (God protecting) When I told my Mom in law about my trouble she took me straight to the shop where we found out my tires and alignment were bad. My parents-in-law graciously blessed me with all new tires. THANK YOU!!However, the car place said they couldn't get it aligned because I had a rod that was bent and it needed to go to the dealer to get fixed. So, I decided to do that when I got to my folks. Of course, I stopped at sister's first and enjoyed my time then headed to my parents. I took it to the shop and they had to order a part that wouldn't come in until Tues.

Well, they called me yesterday and had the part(which was going to be very expensive with labor) but couldn't get it to align so they found further problem. Our fiances can only take so many hits. Please pray for our car problems to end and it not be as severe as it is sounding. I couldn't sleep for a while last night thinking but God has given peace and I know He is in charge of all.

I will say that my family has been so wonderful to accomodate and love on me while I keep staying on yet another day. We are having a wonderful time but Really Missing Hubby/Daddy and ready to head back home. I would covet your prayers that the soloution would be brief and good.

Dancing

2006-03-21T07:21:00.000-08:00

I have had so much fun family time this week. It has been good. It is hard to feel you want to be in two places but can only reside in one at a time.

While we were at my sister she and I enjoyed listening to music and dancing around while making lunches or cleaning up or just being goofy.

Anytime my kids hear upbeat music their little bodies just get to grooving. I love to watch the process.

My nieces put on a skating show for me that was just to die for!! They got costumes that really made me excited to go see the show. They did a terrific job!! Little ice princesses in the making.

My nephew is a hoot!! His dance is a jive and boogie (kindof like his Daddy) ! He really hears the beat and can move to it!

My Mom and Dad have been taking dance lessons and I got to see their moves....very cute!!! I would love to do this with my husband....exercise, romance and fun!

I love that God did put dancing in the Bible and He loves for us to dance unto Him. I think how fun it is for me to watch others dance for joy and I can see why He must love it.

So, off I go to dance another day and enjoy!

The Sister-hood

2006-03-15T18:27:00.000-08:00

I have been visiting family and having a blast! I LOVE LOVE my Sista!
She and I Love to talk and laugh!

She is the one I can turn to when the mexican dinner is hitting my bladder and give a look to let her know a bathroom is needed pronto ain't no time to climb a ladder! She doesn't shudder or complain but only lets me do my thing.

She is the one who can turn music on and we sing together at the top of our lungs. We love to dance and act as on stage hoping that no one will see through the window blades. We still love using our old hand mikes and laughing at each other which isn't so nice.

I love to tease and get her goat because she gives me a look that can make me roll.

She is the one who can twitch her tiny nose and look like bewitching's samatha and poise.

Tonight we were visiting in the room and she asked me if that made me think of a girl we had known. I couldn't recall and she went out of the room only to come flying as if shooting bullets from boobs. I lost it with laughter and she calmly said "You don't recall?" All that she heard was very loud Ha Ha's.

She is all about details and loves her graph paper. She sometimes likes improv but would rather be safer.

She has always loved to read and books are a treat. I can't wait for her first written book I know I will be glued to my seat.

She is the person all friends want to know. She is loyal to the end and no punches will throw. She speaks truth in love and is empathetic and kind. She is like a ruby, a very rare find. I love her so deeply and feel that God knew, deep in that womb He must create two. I love that she enters life stages with me and that we challenge each other as we grow into maturity.

I love that she looks to God to be her guide and follows His word trying not to glide by. She loves her sweet husband and darling little children and strives to be a better servant. She leads other women by the life that she leads, allowing them to see her up moments and retreats.

She takes pride in her work and cares for her home. Living life's moments for the Lord on the throne.

I don't know how to express the joy that she brings it reminds me simply of hearing her sing.

I cannot believe how blessed I have been to have Such a Sister and Such a Dear Friend!!!!

Whooo HOO!!!

2006-03-08T08:18:00.000-08:00

Two Weeks Off of any praise team practice or leading!!! CAN I get an AMEN! Whoo Hooo!!!

Oh yea
No team practice
Oh yea
No team leading
Uh huh
Goin Home now
Get to see
My Family

bum ba da dum ba da dum bom bom

I asked another praise team in the area if they would be willing to lead ours for a couple of weeks and they said YES!!

And that's not all!!! Are you sitting down?!! Prayers have been answered!! We got a good offer on our house!!!! IT looks like things are going through!!! WHOO HOOO!!! Can I get a shout of P-R-A-I-S-E!!!! Okay, I'm not T.D. Jakes....just a want ta be.

Well, I must be off to pack and get headed home!!! :) Hope you are having a great day! Oh yea, it looks like there may be some severe weather coming....I'm trying to beat it so I would covet your prayer support for travel!

Courageous Woman

2006-03-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

I was reading a book I had bought a while back to take my daughter through. It is called Polished Cornerstones. Anyway, it addresses so many wonderful issues. I got to one chapter last night that baffled me. It was about a Courageous Woman. It was talking about the things that you should be asking yourself about yourself or your daughter to see if she was living a courageous life.

I guess I never expected to find many of my fears and worry to be about being courageous. I always thought I was. But, as I read these questions many of them convicted me greatly. I thought I would share some of the thoughts.

Is she afraid to trust God with her life?

Does she trust God to protect and provide for her?

Does she trust God to work all things (good and bad) together for her good? (that's a tough one)

Is she afraid she will be hurt or denied happiness if she submits to your authority?

Does she respond to her fears with prayer for God's strength and courage?

Does she recall God's word when she is fearful?

Is she afraid of peoples opinion of her?

Is she afraid to fail?

Is she afraid to try again when she fails?

Is she afraid to try anything new?

Is she afraid to stand up for what is right?

Is she afraid of the future?

Is she worrisome, continually visualizing potential dangers, failures, and problems?

Is she afraid of personal harm?

Is she afraid to say "no" when others ask her to accept responsibilities that will cause her to over-extend herself?

.....and on it went. Wow. For me this was really good to read. It had scripture and other books to read and work on in this area.

I really like this book because it gives great thoughts and ideas to do with your girls or yourself. They also have one for boys called "Plants Grown up" but I haven't read through it yet. If you haven't heard of this and would like to check it out I think the site is www.doorposts.net.

Shout Out

2006-03-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

This weekend was a tough one. I got sad news from back home and some friends as well as an incident happening that made for a very tough weekend. I have had tears and sadness as well as busyness.

I must say though that last night I was flipping through some channels and came upon T.D. Jakes. I don't know if you have heard of him but he gives amazing word pictures. He was talking about Joshua and he was talking about how God wants us to praise Him even before a wall comes down. How he wants us to shout out His praise and trust Him.

T.D. was getting into it and asked if anyone wanted to shout out praise to God to which the people in T.V. land started shouting and so did I!! It was so great! I know you are thinking I am loosing it but really, how many times do we just let out a real shout to God?

Anyway, the people kept shouting and he let them. It was really neat to watch and listen because it made me think of that seventh day and what the people of Israel must have sounded like. It was powerful.

He was saying how God wanted Joshua to follow and seek His guidance daily. That for the first days God was saying to walk around the wall one time and come home. Then, at the end he said Joshua may have started to walk around one time again when the Lord would have guided Him that "No, you need to listen daily" and shared the the final plan of walking 7 times and shouting.

The walls come down.

Then, I just have to laugh thinking about it, T.D. said "Then, they became High steppers, stepping over the rubble and moving on. High steppers!" Just like we need to do when the walls that have blocked us finally come crumbling down. Step over that rubble and move on.

Tagged

2006-03-06T16:59:00.000-08:00

My sweet friend tagged me with this fun little kitchen questionaire.

1. How many meals does most of your family eat at home each week? How many are in your family? Since I homeschool we eat a lot of meals at home. However, since we started soccer and have practices three nights a week at supper time and church or meetings the other nights as of late we have eaten out much more for supper. There are 4 in our family.

2. How many cookbooks do you own? around 22 My favorites are the "Fix it and forget it!", "Fix it and forget it Lightly" and "Fix it and forget it entertaining". They for the crockpot so it is nice to get it started early and it smells great at the end of the day...if you are there to eat it at the end of the day. :) I also love all the kid cookbooks...quick and more my level...Ha!

3. How often do you refer to a cookbook each week? Weekly.

4. Do you collect recipes from other sources? Yes, I love getting recipes from family and friends. I also check out the internet for some great recipes.

5. How do you store those recipes? In a plastic baggy(that holds my favorites) or recipe box. But mostly use my cookbooks.

6. When you cook, do you follow the recipe pretty closely, or do you use recipes primarily to give you ideas? It depends, as with my hair, I think that I am a gormet cook as well and I wing it. If I don't have some ingredients I improvise with what I think should go there.

7. Is there a particular ethnic style or flavor that predominates in your cooking? If so, what is it? Probably not, I like a mixture, Southern, Mexican, Italian.

8. What’s your favorite kitchen task related to meal planning and preparation? (eating the finished product does not count) Serving plates with the yummy meal prepared.

9. What’s your least favorite part? chopping....I'm not very patient.

10. Do you plan menus before you shop? Try to.

11. What are your three favorite kitchen tools or appliances? Pampered chef Vegetable steamer, only about $11.00 but it is amazing. Put raw or frozen veggies in, push microwave for 3 minutes and wa-la...tender steamed veggies to put in entree or just eat. Of course I love my microwave, fridge and dishwasher.

12. If you could buy one new thing for your kitchen, money was no object, and space not an issue, what would you most like to have? new dining room chairs...they are pretty and antique but wobbley.

13. Since money and space are probably objects, what are you most likely to buy next? Pampered chef stoneware casserole dish.

14. Do you have a separate freezer for storage? Yes- a small chest.

15. Grocery shop alone or with others? Hubby picks up on the way home. We do angel food and then get smaller things along the way. When I must go I probably prefer to go alone just for think time.

16. How many meatless main dish meals do you fix in a week? Probably 4-5. Grilled cheese, mac and cheese, pasta and veggies etc.

17. If you have a decorating theme in your kitchen, what is it? Favorite kitchen colors? I don't really have a theme. It is mostly white and that is fine for fresh feel. I would probably prefer a taupe or light yellow color. I had that in our last house and enjoyed it, with white molding.

18. What’s the first thing you ever learned to cook, and how old were you? Cinnamon toast or chocolate chip cookies....teenager. My Mom was WAY to sweet to us and did most of the cooking.

19. How did you learn to cook? I learned some from watching and helping my Mom. I probably learned the most just by trying once I was on my own and then married. My husband and I learned together. After that I just got more info. and learning from family and friends.

20. Tagging… I’m tagging Janiners and Warmhearts and any new friends on site that would like to try.

Gripping Fear

2006-03-03T06:44:00.000-08:00

Last night I had one of those dreams that sets your heart racing. It was about my daughter, one of my greatest fears, and I walked in after it had happened. She was scared needing me and I was wanting to kill someone. I began pelting her with questions wanting to know all and find someone. She couldn't think clearly and just wanted comfort. I woke up very sick at my stomach and heart racing. I was so full of emotions. I ran to my Father seeking comfort, I wanted Him to tell me nothing like this would ever happen to my children, that they would never have any discomfort, that they would always be protected, that I would never have to face this fear or walk through this pain etc... I know he doesn't promise me no pain or hard times but I still want that.

He told me "Be still and know that I am God"

I felt calm again.

Psycho Soccer Parents

2006-03-03T06:25:00.000-08:00

I was floored last night when I went to a soccer practice at all that transpired. My daughter who is 6 was on a team of 5-6 year olds and her coach decided they would play against another team for practice. The other team happened to be boys. Anyway, the girl on our team who is probably the best started crying in the very beginning. She had a sideline of parents, aunts, gramps cheering for her and instructing her and you could tell it was serious to all. If she didn't do something right she would get frustrated and start crying. After a while of this the coach looked at the parents and asked if she should take her out...parents said "No, she is fine." Then she and a boy on the other team slammed into each other and went down. I knew that had to really hurt. She hopped up crying hard and again her parents yelled to her to be tough and keep playing. At this point the usually passive coach took action and made her come out. I was really proud of her for at least doing the right thing in spite of it all. Then, a little boy on the other team kicked at the soccer ball and missed but landed on his tooshie very hard. Our star player was back in the game at that point and took advantage of his pain and kicked it in to which all her family cheered. The little boy was crying and the coach of the other team brought him out. I was feeling so sorry for him only to hear his loving response from his Dad say "Suck it up...suck it up" and give him no love and even began getting mad at him for not stopping the crying! He finally did suck it up and stop. Come on people....give me a total break!! I know we don't want our kids crying all the time over menial things but when they are hurt? We are talking 5-6 year olds suppose to be doing this for fun!! I mean, this wasn't even a game it was a p-r-a-c-t-i-c-e. Our star player also likes to shove in order to accomplish her goal and get the ball. At the last game almost all the parents on the other team began instructing their kids to shove her down and play how she played. It was really bad and I was shocked at what I was hearing. At this practice, I seriously thought about going over to that little boy and telling him I would be crying too and that wasn't a bad thing. But, his mom looked like she could probably take me out so I refrained.

I was thinking about the messages that was sending to those kids. To the boy....when hurt don't show any emotions...don't seek help....suck it up. To the daughter...I know your tired and sad but make that goal!! Do whatever it takes even if you have to shove people out of the way to get what you want...It is more important than you are!! Man, I know that I , as a parent, make many mistakes and make my kids hear wrong messages all the time but this is one instance I just don't see the point! Just had to share my psycho soccer parents moment.

Shhhhh

2006-03-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

I saw a video clip that really touched me...well several from this site www.sermonvideos.com. I want to share the words to one.

Shhhhh.....

Stop thinking
planning
worrying

about your marriage
taxes
cars
the news
your job
money
relationships
sports
the stock market
what's on tv
your future
your past
your kids
your education
your weekend
your wardrobe

about where you will eat

after this

None of that compares to what I have to tell you

but you have to listen

Be silent

Be Calm

Be Still

and know

that I am God.

Romantic clothing

2006-03-01T21:12:00.000-08:00

I have been searching for some time for romantic clothing. I love the look of the edwardian time and victorian age when people look so flowy and beautiful. I want that now. I am really tired of going to a store and being forced to see rolls of skin fall out, shirts that are skin tight and not pretty in the least, low rise jeans that look more like a plummer with the crack showing than women. Around here it seems the tighter the shirt and the more the rolls the better. ugh. Then I have to look at my own clothing. It's not that I mean to get it to tight but at times when I stand it looks pretty good but when I sit...HELLO...there we go. I mean, don't you ever just want to walk the field in a prairie skirt or go waltzing with the victorian gowns, or go for a stroll like Lizzy in Pride and Prejudice with the empire waist gown? I would love to make the classy, ladylike, romantic clothing of old, marry with a more modern look. Some days I long for the prairie days of baking bread and flowing the fields in my skirt (okay, I would like to keep my air conditioning and dishwasher and I know they did MUCH more than bake bread ) and just feeling well....feminine.

I don't want jumpers that are frumpy, I don't want dresses that make me look like a triangle, I just want dresses that would fit and look flowing and beautiful and casual and light. Is that to much to ask? I told my sister that I think this would be a great business venture for me. Right after I finish learning how to sew.

March Already?!!

2006-03-01T14:36:00.000-08:00

I couldn't believe it when I realized we had just passed through yet another month! Yikes!! Today my son was talking about how in just a few years he would be thirteen and sister eleven. I felt a great panic come over me!! Not my babies!! I have been around a friend with youth, one daughter about to graduate and go to college and I am watching her go through elation for her daughter and sadness for herself. She has another son that will be a senior next year and another daughter that will just be beginning high school next year....whoa!

Anyway, it has definitely taken me from calm to fear to calm to fear to prayer. I love my kids SO much and it hurts to even think about them all grown up. I am so sentimental. However, I am also excited for their futures and what God will do through their lives. I am excited about when I will get to spoil their kids and maybe be a grandmother. There are still many things I look forward too. I'm hoping that I will grieve it along the way and be okay when it really happens. Well, I can hope can't I!?

I think another thing that got this thought going was we had a prospective worship leader in last weekend. We spent most of our time with them (he and his wife). They are SO young...just little pups! It really made me feel old. I think I like to still think of myself as young but I am truly in the middle age now! Anyway, he seems to have a real heart for worship and I think he will do good but he will also have a lot to learn. We are all in prayer over this. I'm sure we all have pros and cons so it is just really finding out what God wants for our church. I have to admit I am probably more anxious to get it done than most so it is tempting to just say yes so someone else will be doing it. However, I know the consequences if it is not a good fit...tough, for them and us. So I want to be as sure as we can that it is a right fit.

I have to say though, I have been enjoying worship leading a little more now that I am getting a little more of an idea what to do. There is still a lot of learning going on but it is not as overwhelming as it was at first. I actually had quite a lot of older adults coming up to me after last weeks second service saying they really felt the Lord's presence that day and enjoyed the songs. I was glad for that. I had felt Him too and I'm so thankful for His grace and mercy to me. Thanks for your continued prayer support for me!

Well, I guess that is all I have to time to write at present. March on!

Can You Do That?

2006-02-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

I was watching my daughter in pretend mode when she didn't know it (so don't talk to her about this instance or she'll know I was). Anyway, she was doing a trick and turning sideways as if asking a friend.
"Can you do that?"
Then being the friend she tried it.
She did this back and forth many times until finally the so called friend couldn't do it. To that she replied, "See, only I can do it. " Big smile.

My son meanwhile is making very interesting noises as he is playing in the imagination with his blanket wrapped around the neck and fighting movements.

Oh, to be young and in pretend world again.

Contrast

2006-02-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to start out by thanking those of you who have been praying for me since an earlier blog about my struggle with overeating. I am happy to relate that although results are not as fast as I would like to see them God does daily encourage me and show me results. He also has shown that the main thing is my heart obedience rather than results. This is where I always struggled in the past, giving up when results didn't come as fast as I wanted. However, now I see that it will come in time....His time. My sister has to listen to my moment by moment realizations such as profile not sticking out quite as much, dent in's in various places that before were full (although maybe not apparant to anyone but me), to a finale....my face appearing thinner!! My face has always been round and when I am overall fuller it is REALLY Round!! I looked just the other day to find I had dent in's in my face...what?! rub eyes....it's true. So, this brings you up to date and back to my original story.

Since I notice this difference I run to a family picture we had taken in the fall. I look, I compare, feeling happy. I go to my husband and ask (which he loves), "Honey, do you notice anything different about this picture of me and my present face?" He looks, the kids overhear and come bounding in. Here are the responses "Your hair is curled, Your hair is white AND black, You have on jewelry, you look more tan in the picture, you are wearing earrings in the picture" I give up then my son loudly says "Your face is thinner." I hear the Hallelujah chorus playing in the back of my head but I'm still reserved. I ask "You mean my face is thinner in the picture or right now?" He says "thinner now, is that okay?" Inside my head I'm screaming....Is that okay!!! Whooo hoo! But outwardly I say, "oh yea, that's okay, that's what I had noticed too." He goes on to add one more, "Your neck has more lines in it now than in the picture too." (lovely) Oh well, if having a more thin neck means a more wrinkly neck then Bring it On!!

Please continue to lift me up in this, it is war, the enemy is always giving me lies and I am constantly having to talk with the Lord and seek HIS truth which is setting me free! Please don't get me wrong, I am no where near where I want to be but I do see once again that God is faithful giving me little by little step by step and I feel it would be wrong of me not to sing His praise or give testimony to this. My sister found another site that deals with the same godly principles but it doesn't have the works mentality but grace. It is www.thinwithin.org.

Dances With Wolves

2006-02-21T19:29:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many remember a movie by that name but it had to do with indians and they had names that describe them. Anyway, tonight when my daughter declared her name (as she was delivered to me in the mail, in a box) as "Cuddles with Momma" I couldn't help but think of it. Son decided that he would be the dog and took the name Rover. Anyway, I, of course, was the Mommy...it was really a challenging role for me. They really were quite hysterical, son stretching and turning head sideways and trying to get on blankets that were not his, all reflecting our dog. He also did not talk or smile being that dogs don't. "Cuddles with momma" soon changed her name to "cute and cuddly". Anyway, it was a fun pretend time with Mommy having much laughter. Son had also made a movie earlier and without realizing he was filming I asked him a question in the middle of it while he was being the mean scary covered man and he answered "Yes ma'am". We all got pretty tickled when watching it and I felt bad that I had blown his bad boy cover. Well, off I go, I'm thinking what I would like my new name to be "Washes with soap", "folder of laundry", "fixer of food", "player with children", "embracer of humiliation", "hearty loud laugher" (okay, I know you are probably hoping I will stop)......

What to be when I grow up

2006-02-21T08:07:00.000-08:00

We were around the table and my son asked me what I thought he would be when he grew up. I told him I thought he could do many things but it would really be up to him. He asked what things I thought. So, I began listing a long list, science lab man, inventor, teacher, pastor (nose wrinkled, hmm note to self), missionary (eyes lit up and he said, Yea! That would be fun to travel the world!, Mommy whinsed, son noticed...What Mom? Oh, nothing sweetie, I want you to do whatever God leads you to do, it's just that I will miss you. He says "Oh, you'll be fine." that's his fathers blood.) So on and on we went until finally I said "You know, you have such a wonderful voice I could even see you leading worship" "No, I wouldn't want to do that, it takes away from family" me frowning. "Honey, are you saying that because of what Mommy's doing?" He hesistates realizing Mommy could get feelings hurt. "Well, kindof"...."ouch". I'm feeling bad that he feels I'm putting it in place of family time. I pour my story out to hubby who gives me the look. You know the "You've got to be kidding me look" saying, "That's just because he thinks family time is all day access to Mom's attention." Hey! Whewl sure. He needs me! ;) Anyway, at the end of this wonderful in depth look at the future and deep thought of all he might want to aspire to my son spouts "Really I think I still want to be a cashier at wal-mart."